White Lightning Axiom: Redux: May 2006

Sunday, May 28, 2006


On Vacation

The Mrs, Twins, Grandparents, Brother and I will be heading up to Lake Harmony for a week or so. If I have conectivity, I'll try to post. Most likely nothing till next Friday. Stay safe and well.

Friday, May 26, 2006


Furious Friday

Another experiment with interesting results. I left the safety of the Haupertonian Empire and World Combine HQ at 0647. Arrival at the work-site at 0720. Friggen all time record. If I leave any earlier, I'll go back in time for certain.

Daughter Report: She has a poison ivy/sumac rash again. From whence!? Day-care. Apparently several other children have been stricken as well. I'm guessing it is in the mulch on the playground. DAMMIT. The Mrs kept her near-by today even going so far as to bring her into work for a bit. We put mittens on her to keep the irresistible scratching and inevitable spread down to a minimum. Yes, the anger wells within me so greatly that the Dark Sith and their sissy Emperor are wetting themselves. She has an appointment at 1800 tonight with the pediatrician so she'll miss karate practice. Since we had a mid-afternoon downpour, I won't be mowing the lawn and thusly, do not mind taking Jake to practice. He needs more attention in this field anyways.

Final lob: Went to the Cummings truck sale today and picked up

Who says that men do not like to shop!

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Thursday, May 25, 2006


Speeding Ticket

FYI: The (second) fastest object created by man will soon be reaching the edge of Haupertonian Controlled Space. Roughly 6.5 billion miles out. Since August 20, 1977, Voyager II has been zipping along and expanding MY sphere of influence. V1, of course, is moving at 3.6AU/yr and is 8.7 billion miles out. I cannot lay claim to V1 since VII is a much cooler name. VII is going a bit slower though ... 3.3AU/yr. Probably because it is transporting a relay for the feed for this blog. None the less, soon, All your base are belong to us!

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10 ton jack and 240 miles

So traffic was actually light yesterday. Turns out, the President used a helicopter convoy between PHX and the Power Plant. Everyone assumed the worst and sat tight leaving the regional arteries nearly abandoned. Sweet. Got to swimming pool with 20 minutes of splash-time to spare. Unless, of course, that old-fart curmudgeon of a life guard comes over and insists that the kids wear 'floaters' since, by his judgment, they are not swimmers. He spends most of his time chatting with the girls at the pool and very little time doing much else. Whatever. I put the floats on the kids and then had the instructors promptly take them off much to his amazement.

Left the Manor at 0651 this morning, got to the work-site HQ at 0725. That leads me to one conclusion ... everyone I run across on the Turnpike if I leave at 0700 is out to make my life a mess. I cannot believe that a miserable scrap of time covering 10 minutes can determine if I spend 35 minutes or 65 minutes on the road. It's just astounding. I should follow the President's lead and see what I can do about getting a personal helicopter. Heck, maybe I should talk to GM and ask them where the hell are all the Jetson Style Flying Cars. We were promised flying cars in the future ... and the future is now.

Oh, and I finally got fed up with harborfreight.com. I cancelled my order which has been on BackOrder for 3 weeks now. There is going to be a truckload tool sale by Cummins at the VF Convention Center this Friday/Saturday and they are advertising the same splitter for 99$. It's odd how the two web sites look so similar, eh? One thing of interest though: Solar Panels.

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Wednesday, May 24, 2006



Long weekend ... too much to do and not enough got done. Let's flash back to Friday, as it is custom for me to do on Monday. Ahhh, Friday. Full of promise and potential. Much like me back in my college days. Not it is Monday ... weary, beaten and smelling of stale angst. Reeks of despair actually. I had my review and the boss-lady gave me, through the goodness and charity of the company, a 3% raise. Just above the inflation rate ... mostly. No matter, I really did not do much to deserve a big bonus or raise this year. Of course, I should have made a counter-offer. I'll trade my 3% for a few extra vacation days, how about that? Heh, I wonder if she would consider it. Enough of that nonsense, on to the chronicles of the great Sisyphean battle between the Armies of the Haupertonian Empire and the best that the Malevolent Universe can throw at me.

On Friday, Jake was invited to show the class what karate forms he had learned so far. He did pretty good actually. The waves of 'Proud Daddy Fuzzies' nearly washed away the other (lesser) parents sitting about me. Alexis was much to shy to do anything but give little gnat-like kicks to the shins of the instructor. She must have stage fright. I'm sure she'll grow out of it after her first Mortal Combat Conquest. The next morning, the Twin Tyrants of Turpitude are awake by 0620 and ready to bestow their own variety of havoc upon the world. Saturday, 0620, awake. Those three things alone made the morale in the Executive Parental Corps drop to less than zero. Alexis had already had an accident in her bed and I had to get the Mammoth Hounds to poop so that I could collect that too for their 0900 vet visit. Yes, my Saturday morning consisted mostly of dealing with excrement and urine. Wonder why I feel that week-days are a vacation? What was left of the day was consumed by my agricultural endeavors and a birthday party of one of the Mrs's co-workers at 1600. Interestingly enough, this co-worker spent most of the time trying to get silly-drunk. He is a rather amenable and charismatic fellow, but we have nearly nothing in common other than being Male married fathers who know Mrs MDMHVONPA. I spent most of the party chasing down the kids and talking to some of the more reclusive associates of the Mrs who were in attendance. We were there till well after the sun set so I had to push off mowing the pastoral expanse till the next day. The kids were not too interested in leaving. They had gotten to that special zone where if they stopped moving they would fall into slumber where they stood.

Sunday: Mow, plant, got to baptism, party. Other than Jake helping out at the mass baptism and both of the twins falling to sleep on the trip back home, there was little to note other than the great weather and the 'Wicky-Wacky Wicker World' store we passed by. What people do to sell baskets.

It's now Wednesday. I moved the futon from the former Master Bedroom into the kids room while I was doing the last sanding run before the last layer of polyurethane. They went nuts over it. Now I have to finish up Jake's room before I can recover the futon mattress. One odd side-effect is that even though we have been putting Alexis in a pull-up diaper at night, she has been keeping herself dry. It might have to do with her getting a better nights sleep on the futon. I cannot put her back into underwear at night till I get a real bed for her ... with rubber underlayment sheet. It would be awful if she wet the bed when sleeping on the futon ... it would be a lost cause.

In other news, the MIL is doing better ... she might even be discharged. This means that the Mrs will have to increase the frequency of her visits. This is going to make the summer rather difficult when it comes to housekeeping and tending the grounds. Not sure how we are going to juggle this, but we'll think of something. Perhaps a Friday Evening baby-sitter might be required so I can mow the acres of sod, do laundry, vacuum, tend the Agricultural Sector, dishes, etc.... June Cleaver has nothing on me. What a slacker. On the flip side, the Mrs has been a bit ill of late. Nothing indicating impending doom. Upset stomach for a few days and ... vigorous Woman Issues. The twins sensed her distress and targeted her like sharks in a feeding frenzy. Try as I might, distracting them was like trying to transmit tcp/ip packets via rotted, ragged copper pair; Works in theory, not very effective under duress. Perhaps I should nick-name the kids Tip and Ring?

Final note ... President Bush is going to be in the area today. Flying into PHX and then driving out to the Limerick Nuclear Power Plant. Traffic in the area is going to be a disaster. His probable path will take him past the location in KOP where I drive and work. I am expecting a good 60 minute delay. I imagine that the press helicopters will be out in force too. This will act as a synergetic force to redouble the congestion as some of the less savvy automotive pilots strain their necks to catch a glimpse of these airborne nuisances. Time to reload the magazines with idiot seeking ammo.

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Tuesday, May 23, 2006



I'm getting pummeled at work ... I'll post the weekend's synopsis as soon as I come up for air.

Friday, May 19, 2006


Holocaust V2.0

There are no words to elaborate on this:I'm anticipating the election of Iran to chair the UN Human Rights Commission any day now.

Update: False Alarm ... for now.

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Recently, we have been desperate about the kids bed time. We bathe them, dress them, read them books and then shut off the lights. Within minutes Jake is trying to Con us into some agreement that would either give him soul ownership of Canada, the Moon or our bed. After several more encounters, he falls asleep. Alexis has been observing and making improvements on his technique. Urgh. Because the do not actually get to sleep till hours later, they are moody and intractable in the morning. This leads up to a situation later in the day when I go and conduct the daily Search and Recovery Detail. I was walking through the Antechamber where the kids were sitting in front of the Boob Tube and a Day Care Professional was sitting on a folding chair. I instructed the kids to go to the bathroom while I collected their equipment and supplies. Off to the side, two of the runts of the class began a tussle and the proctor had to go pry them apart. Immediately, Alexis noticed this opening and climbed up on the chair. Her intention was to leap at me and force me to make the snap decision about catching her ... provided I notice in time. I did not till the last moment where I (with the bad back) twisted about and presented my bent arm for her to latch onto. This was not entirely a successful maneuver. She latched on with one arm (right) but not the other. Her forward momentum carried her mass past me and as a reflex, I pinned my elbow to my hip to keep her from crashing to the cement floor. Something inside her wrist or elbow did not withstand the force and gave way. She spent the next few minutes weeping fiercely and trying to tell me that her elbow hurt. Long story short, she was not very keen on Karate practice and after some time, it was determined that she had suffered a sprained wrist. After a bit of icing, I applied an Ace bandage. She still was protective about the joint in the morning, but it may have more to do with the memory of the pain and not the actual injury itself. Daddy is still trying to cope with breaking his little girl.

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Thursday, May 18, 2006



Ummm....Can someone please explain to me why I have not heard of this!? Secondly, explain to me how the Immune system does not wipe itself out completely given this example.


Directive 10-289

Net Neutrality: Something isn't adding up here. Stinks of state sponsored censorship, but I can't quite put my finger on it yet.

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210 miles

Today, the PM on the project (of which I am totally in over my head) is reviewing a technical requirements design document with the client. This is a bit peculiar for me since I have very little back-story on the application and here I am, writing the requirements for the client. Every time I think about it, I get a bit ill to my stomach. I have a prescient belief that this will not go well unless the client is completely vapid about their desires. Of course, that has proven to be true on multiple occasions. If you have a discussion with a contractor that boils down to 'Tell me what I want', it's like giving a recidivist crack-head the keys to a pharmacy and asking him to 'medicate prudently'. I really do feel sorry for the CFO and the COO of this company.

Last night, after a successful swimming engagement, the kids and I were backing up the mile-long driveway to the Haupertonain Docking Bay and Fleet Reclamaition Center when Jacob blurts out 'I want to see the Ducks'. Wha? Ummm, we can watch Little Einsteins after dinner. He kept pressing his demands till I finally caught on. Being the tunnel vision daddy type I am, I failed to notice that a Mallard and his life-long mate had returned to the neighborhood. Every year, this couple show up and produce NO offspring. Must be due to the lack of a water-body near-by and the ravages of the dastardly squirrels. I allow the pursuit of said fowl given that we hold hands. They, being wild ducks, are probably very timid but if they do have a nest about you cannot be entirely certain of their reaction to a couple of screaming tyrants bearing down on their offspring. After spending a bit of time in hot pursuit of the two waddling Peking potentials, they had enough and flew off to the other side of the street. Good, now I can get down the night's business. The Mrs came out at that time as well and the standard evening ritual commenced.

Side note: Not sure which of my over-indulgent activities was the root cause, but I've managed to pull a major muscle group in my back and it's making me onerous as all getout. From the base of my skull on the right side all the way down to the right clavicle and then from there to the center of the spine ... total knotted pain. Can't sleep, cannot look about at my bank of monitors, cannot get comfortable. Was it wrastling with the hounds to give them baths? Wrastling with the kids at swimming? Pulling weeds, laundry, wood splitting? Cleaning Gutters? Not sure but it's quite an impairment. I have some Acet/Cod #3 left over from the last time it happened, but I think that my general lack of consistent physical exercise is to blame for my 'infirmity'. Curses.

Historical Brain Damage note -- Phinneus Gage: His doctor described him as "manifesting little deference to his fellows, impatient of restraint or advice when it conflicts with his desires, at times pertinaciously obstinate, yet capricious and vacillating, devising many plans of future operations, which are no sooner arranged than they are abandoned.

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Wednesday, May 17, 2006


Note: Gluttony

You may have an issue with eating if you take off your sweatshirt and notice 3 blueberries rolling off to land beneath your desk. This is not the problem in so much as finding yourself on all fours looking for said fruit with the intention of violating the 3 second rule.

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Made it this far

Karate practice went well again last night. Jake had a few moments where he needed some instruction on how to pay attention, sit still, etc. All the things that normal little boys are unable to do as part of their nature. It's kinda like telling a black hole to stop pulling in matter so much. Of course, since some dingleberry egghead discovered that they could 'slow down' light and even make it go backwards, this is now not quite a relevant analogy. Stupid science, making up theories and proving them to make me look silly. Anyways, the kids are starting to learn some of their forms and tend to practice them at the dinner table. So much so that Jake got pretty worked up after his 90 minute meal marathon and upchucked a big wad of it on the dinner mat. Argh. Right to the bath-tub for him. After we denied him desert, he proclaimed that he was no longer my best friend and that he wanted to go home. Well, to Grams and Gramp's home. Heh, little boys.

Before the whole dinner escapade, I decided to take advantage of the late light and relatively dry(er) weather to give the Mastodons a good scrubbing. It's been some time now and they were starting to stink up the house. If you own large pets, you know the smell. Something along the lines of sweat socks worn to aerobics classes all week and then stuffed with cheetos and put in a sun warmed car in August along with a bucket of hot water. Yeah, it gets into your clothes and nose and you do not get accustomed to the stink. I kennel Thor during the day and let Katie stay out. She will not pee or poop while indoors if she can help it. Thor is a clod and cant help but poop inside. He gets all worked up since Katie enjoys teasing him. I confuse the dogs with the kids all the time because of these personality quirks. In any event, we were all out of the usual shampoo I used for the hounds so I fell back on the 10,000 different tiny single serve bottles that the Mrs has absconded with from various hotels across the globe. Needless to say, the Hounds did not appreciate the cold hose but spent the rest of the evening sniffing each other's newly acquired 'poofy' scents. Yes, my dogs are Metro-Sexuals. Since they are both fixed, it bothers me not. And hey, I can tolerate the smells of juniper, spring showers and lilac blooms. They'll be the fanciest canines at the vet's office this weekend. Should dress them up in tuxedo's and tails, eh?

Final note; the kids were up all night since we put them to bed ON TIME. Jake 'snuck' in at 0400 and climbed over my head to get in between the Mrs and I. He knows that at that the but-crack of dawn, we are not going to lift a finger to apply behavioral modification. At 0600, he was less than compliant with our requests for him to get up and get going. I'll have to make some ice for that 'rude awakening' maneuver. You know, the one that involves solid H2O in your briefs. We don't have this problem on the weekends ... I'll probably have to talk to the Child Care Professionals about that mid-day nap. It's not helping.

UPDATE: My candidate (Murt) won the primary.

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Monday, May 15, 2006


Sisyphus starts anew

For a slow day, many events came to pass. First and foremost, the driver's cockpit seat in the SuperSaturn absorbed thousands of cubic meters of rain water. Leaving my windows open in the spring/summer has consequences. Close them: it's a blast furnace; Leave them open; mobile aquarium. So off to work with a soggy pair of trousers I went. In the rain. Which means only one thing for the local roads here in Pennsyltucky: Instant Asshole, just add water. Through and through, the denizens of this ancient state were in a complete tizzy about the modest rainfall keeping us out of a real drought. I'm thinking that it would be within the best interests of everyone that if you are aquaphobic in your driving, you should have a special license that prohibits you from driving your vehicle on major arteries when it is raining or snowing. Implementing it would be a pain though. I suppose vigilante action would probably be more effective. That or subject them to water torture.

Speaking of H2O, there was a little miscommunication about the swimming lessons that start this week. Initially, I thought that they would be on Monday and Wednesday as a new schedule but the time would remain the same. Oh, what a fool I have been. It was my good fortune that I left early and arrived at the pool, a little after 1700. After a few minutes of 'pool leaping', I saw the swim instructors beckoning the twins over to the little (read: warm) pool. It was only 1730 though! Apparently, the lessons are not at the same times anymore. It's now 1730 to 1800. Well then. Communication is important. Given that, there were only three kids in the class. My two and a 7 year old who cannot swim a lick. Interesting. Even more interesting is that there were three instructors. Cannot complain about the quantity of the instruction now.

We are desperately trying to get the kids to stay in bed in the evenings but things are not going very well. Really cuts down on the personal time that the Mrs and I would like to share. The kids were in and out of our room for an hour or so after their bed time. I'll let them sit and 'read' books in their beds with flash-lights, but they come up with a litany of complaints that only the Parental Figures can address. Need new books, have to pee, tummy hurts, need to spit, thirsty, need to brush teeth, need to crush Chinese fascist commies, batteries are dead, need a kiss, socio-economic outlook of western society is being corrupted by won-ton liberalism, and all other manner of proto-philosophical concepts regarding the arrangement of blankets and pillows in their respective beds. Gha. I could resolve this by getting up an hour early in the morning and getting them to wake up as well, but I just do not have the will, strength or motivation at 0500. That, and it was raining this morning ... again. The grass is going to be a real bugger to mow this weekend. I did manage to haul my but out of bed when the thunder woke me. Took Alexis to the toilet and was rewarded with the music of a tiny stream of urine going into the bowl instead of the sheets. Dumped her inbetween the Mrs and I and drifted in and out of sleep till 0630. Crud. I ended up leaving the house at ten after and shuffled off to the polls to cast my vote in the primaries. Me and one other woman. The rain is going to make the turnout quite thin I imagine. Might be good news for my candidate (Tom Murt) actually.

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Saturday, May 13, 2006


Saturday Fury - Sunday Succor

I'll have to keep this short or I'll never get through the weekend tally. Sure, I feel guilty that I might be shorting you all on some fabulous tales of wonder and UNPARALLELED RAGE OF BLOODY VENGEANCE .... ahem ... yes. I suppose I overestimate my ability to spin epic tales of lore, but I like the world I live in. King of the moon-rocks, I am. Anywho, Friday is as Friday does. Evening traffic was a monster even though I left 15 minutes early. It took me 30 minutes just to get on the turnpike! The KOP tolls have this trait on Friday afternoon. 100 lanes crushed down to 2 lanes and there is no mercy for the timid. We an be civilized though. I usually sneak into the tolls by going through a secret government entrance just before the toll booths. Really, it is kinda a government secret entrance. About 25 meters before the tolls there is an on-ramp that the employees of Lockheed-Martian use. It allows you to circumvent an extra 100 meters of sitting in line. Anyways, it drops you into the right most cattle-chutes and you just sit in line and wait your turn to merge into the lane that will take you to 276 east. Simple. Since you are in the Right Most Lane you would think that common courtesy would prohibit any fool from passing me on the mere inches that represents a shoulder. Nope. A few folks became much too impatient to have to wait like all the rest of us and roared down the shoulder showering cruft and debris on the law abiding motorists. After the third vehicle did this, I figured it was high time to shut down this 'gap in the border' by inching just a bit more to the right. Finally, as I was nearing the point where I would have to get into the 'real' lane, some TURD tries to nudge past on the right. The SUV behind me notices that I'm running as a blocker and moves up to my bumper so as to effectively force this fellow into a full stop. He is waving his hands and pounding on the steering wheel as he learns that nobody (who he illegally and immorally passed) is interested in letting him back into the lane. I doubt that he will learn from this, but it is nice to see vigilante justice done. I also see the other 3 cars that passed me in the left lane as I roll slowly by them. I'll wager they were still in that lane as I merged into traffic on the turnpike. Patients wins the day.

I barely make it to karate practice. Just as the kids bounce onto the mat, practice begins. The little pep talk about listening to teachers, parents and adults may have helped a bit. There was no whining or intransigent behavior. When we get back home, the Mrs has already departed for NYC so I spend the time to prepare a dinner while the Glee Filled Tyrants preoccupy themselves in the sandpit till darkness falls. Right about this time, the migraine starts and signals the mind-daemons that this will be a long weekend for torment and agony. Jake is in and out of bed all night. He eventually settles into bed with me at 0200 ... and promptly rolls off at 0300 with a reverberating THUNK. As addled as I am by the medication, I have enough wits about me to deposit him back into the warm embrace of the quilts and go into the Den of Horrors to pull out Alexis for a potty attempt. No luck. I'm drifting in and out of sleep as the electricity in my brain waxes and wanes. At 0700, Alexis strolls in as wet as a drowned cat. Change her, change the sheets and start up the wash. Pop a few more pain-killers on top of the Maxalt and languish in bed while the two little ones show me no mercy.

The day drags on as I clean up and feed the ravenous maws of the Manor. When I'm feeling a bit more perky, we head off to do a few minor chores. Fill up the Super Saturn with 30$ of gasoline for the week is the primary goal. Friggen 30$ for 10 gallons. I miss the 90's, don't you know. I was planning on getting something for the Mrs for Mother's day and found the perfect thing. Right across the street from the OLGC church, there is a Spa that is relatively clean. They offer multiple services and when the kids and I stopped in, they seemed to be quite flexible. About 300$ of (Her) hard earned cash for a few hours of bliss and relaxation. Hopefully, she'll be able to use it when she is not overwhelmed by allergies. Fortunately for our budget, my idea of relaxation comes in along the lines of sanding a floor or chopping wood all day and having someone about to bring me drinks, finger food and tools when needed. Speaking of living by the sweat of one's brow, our final stop was at the local Sears Hardware store to pick up some herbicides and insecticides. The former for the poison ivy, the later for grubs in the lawn. While the kids spent time in the sandbox, I spent time putting down the moss and grub control. Later, I went out to the Toxic Forest where the pine barrens once stood and started laying down the dioxin/Agent Orange laden RoundUp. I did not get very far as the skies suddenly darkened and formed a cloud-like fist that menaced me from above. Within moments, the Tyrants were chanting for lightning to come down and the Wrath of Thor to smote all those who opposed them. They were heard and their wishes granted, somewhat. Pea-sized hail began to rain down as I conducted evacuation procedures to bring everything inside. Kids, dogs, lunches. The tools and herbicides were left to fend for themselves. The hail and rain continued on and off for the remainder of the day. At one point, the front broke for a few moments and I was presented with the opportunity to survey the gutters to see which had become clogged. In spite of the installation of gutter-barriers, some detritus had made it into the miles of gutter and blocked two of the down-spouts. This was wreaking havoc with the landscaping below and needed some precision adjustments. This was me taking my hand and scooping out wads of decaying plant matter. Yum. Stunk like a month old vermin carcass in August.

The next day, Sunday, did not go too well for me. The Migraine was in full effect and the kids were not too keen on granting me much consideration. I spent most of my lucid moments bowing to their demands. The rest of the time, I was just hoping that whatever they were disassembling would be easy to fix at a later date. Needless to say, the living room was a total loss. Since I was not going anywhere, I had not thought to go out to the car and close the windows. I figured that I could deal with that after the Mrs got back home. At that time, I was completely out of it and trying to get Alexis in the bath. She was falling asleep in her dinner and she REALLY needs to be bathed so we could attend to her ravaged skin. I parsed off some of my tasks to the Mrs and quietly slipped under the covers to quiet the thunder in my skull. Of course, it rained last night. The universe has animosity towards me and is a bitter, peevish, vindictive little entity.

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Friday, May 12, 2006


Disney Getting Back to Basics

This one is for XIS:

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Wonking for the weekend.

Before it rained yesterday, I managed to get the pastoral expanse referred to as the 'Killing Zone' mowed. Since I'm not bagging right now, it did not take all that long. Perhaps some of this thatch will keep the weeds at bay. The only reason I managed to get anything done before the joke of a rain-storm was a direct result of my earlier departure time. Since I got in at 0620, I figured that leaving at 1530 was within my comfort zone. The CFO gave us a little lecture in the staff meeting that we need not work 40 hr a week if we finish our work so faking out the time sheets by putting 'straight eights' is not useful. Heh, right. In the words of a catfish admiral "It's a TRAP!". No, I'll do my 8 and a tad extra ... just in case. We have some fairly strange policies due to our hybrid hourly/salary pay/bill structure. In any event, I was finished in short order and left at 1700 on a Search and Retrieval Mission. Got the Twin Tyrants dressed and transported in short order. Since we were early, I let them play on the jungle gym set next door. The Upper Moreland Jr High/Elementary school has some really nice sets. Mulched too. We played for about 20 min before the occasional drops became more ... evident. Still, it was just a hint of an ethereal thin essence of rain. Better safe than sorry with the water loving twins though. I would not have an easy time of extracting them should the rain start.

Practice went extremely well ... my little lecture about focus and respect may have sunk in. That, and they got to do tumble/rolls combined with kicks and punches so they were delighted. Jake 'earned' his belt back and he was absurdly proud of himself. I'm certain that they will start the wire-work next week. ;)

Speaking of fantasy .... Alexis was in an unbelievable mood in the morning. She waddled in at 0500, sopping wet. Every stitch of clothing had to be removed. I KNEW I should have gone in at midnight to extort some fluids out of her but I was under the belief that 3 dry days signified an improvement. My bad. On top of that, she was itching like a albino in a stinging nettle briar. Angry little pustules had disfigured her pencil thin fingers and every attempt at relief just spread the damn stuff. This made her even more intractable than ever. Since the Mrs is going up to NYC this weekend (starting today), I'm going to have to find some way to appease her until I have the heart to admonish the poor waif. Sigh ... Daddy's work is never done.

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Thursday, May 11, 2006


Much too early

It's 0620 and I'm at work. Ghaaaa! I'll get back to that in a minute. The swimming session went well last night. Since this is the week off, the kids and I were on our own. Once again, we had access to the little heated pool till about 1800 and then we had to move over to the bigger lane pool. Strangely enough, the club has decided that it would be in the best interests of the swimmers if they bumped up the temperature a few notches. At least is not frozen solid any more. I tried to work on the 'dead-mans float' with the Tyrants and Jake has seemed to master it quite well in a short time. Alexis ... not so much. Still a bit too nervous. No matter. After 75 minutes of submersion (take that David Blaine) the Mrs and I had enough and bribed the Tyrants with dum-dum lolli pops to get out. They would still be in there now given the option.

Back to the insanity. I have a staff meeting at 0700 today and I figured that if I actually went to SLEEP instead of watching that insipid crap peddler that cable TV is, I would get a good night's sleep. Nope. Can't happen. That would disturb the balance of the universe, don't cha know. At 0400 my eyes popped open like an pair of over-ripe melons. I went in and put Alexis through the Potty routine (still dry, add that to the manual) and then tried to sleep for a few more minutes ... with little success. Complete the morning prep detail and then zip off. And I do mean zip. Most of the traffic on the Tpk was rolling along at somewhere between 85 and sub-light speed. I felt like a codger diddling about at 75. Not used to the High speeds, you know. The only break was when passing a police cruiser near a disabled semi, everyone slowed to 80 just a as a matter of recognition. Not that he could have possibly pulled into traffic and caught anyone in particular. The target would be in the next time-zone by the time he got the sirens and lights going. There is .... 30 mile in 35 minutes. I've underestimated the traffic delay on this road to hell before, but not like this. I've forgotten what it is like to travel the local roads when all the signal lights are flashing yellow.

Oh, I just found out my splitter is on back-order. Figures.

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Wednesday, May 10, 2006


Because it is funny ....

Stolen from I Am Bored via Cartoon Network via Adult Swim via Robot Chicken:

Star Wars Death Star Explosion Aftermath. The awkward phone call between Darth and the Empperor.

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Well, another day and my manual hydraulic wood splitter is still not here. Probably a good thing since the Mrs will be off to NYC again this weekend. The MIL is going through a rough spot but since she is in the ICU, these things are discovered and treated promptly. Good news: you are getting excellent care; Bad New: you are in the ICU and require excellent care. Most disturbing. I'll have to lob a few prayers off to St Philomena.

Karate practice went 50/50 last night. Alexis did a SUPERB job at following direction and learning the lessons. She can count to 10 in Korean now. I'm flabbergasted. I forget what they call some of the sets of actions they go through, but she knows at least one. Jake, the little boy he is, got into a pot of trouble along with this ADD kid. Jake has an attention span that would frustrate a may-fly. Indeed, because he could not focus for more than a few slices of a second, he ended up sitting along the side for a considerable spell and then ended up loosing his belt due to intransigence. He'll earn it back in the next lesson, but being 'less than little sister' is almost more than his tiny ego can take. That and she is already talking about how she is such a good girl and he is such a bad boy for loosing the belt. This will probably be a contentious subject to be constantly brought up for the next 3 months.

Speaking of nuisance irritations, the poison ivy Alexis is harboring seems to be getting a bit worse. Inching forward like some insidious creeping cellular sedition. Spreading even. I'm sure it'll dissipate soon but it just breaks my heart to see that angry red blight racing over her tender skin. That, and when I roust her from the sleep of oblivion, the itching begins again. I wake her at midnight and 0500 for potty sessions ... just in case. The desert last night was watermelon and in spite of the calls for chocolate, the melon went over quite well. But is WATER melon. Oddly enough, she did not have to 'void' at midnight but was more than full at the second session. Niagara falls should be ashamed for being so weak compared to this torrential flow.

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Tuesday, May 09, 2006



Uff-Da! It's been a wing-dinger of a week and I'm just past Monday. The Mrs took Allergic Alexis to the pediatrician's office and they (for a small extortionary co-pay) confirmed that she did indeed have poison ivy. I should be a doctor! The little one has it all over her face body arms and legs. She doesn't seem to itch it much but it looks rather horrible. Somehow, I got a few patches on my back too. Not sure how but it must have been secondary contact. The touched a sheet or me in the morning and transferred some of the oils. I'm certain that it is coming from the Back-50 so I'll have to clear out that area again. Now where did I put that Napalm. Oh, speaking of out-doors type stuff, I got a notice in the mail that the log splitter has been shipped. Now the eternal wait begins. I wish they had included a tracking number but since I'm paying 5$ for shipping, it's probably being transported by a three legged mule. But I digress. While Alexis was in the loving embrace of Mommy, Daddy took Jakers to the pool and we spent about an hour in the small (read: bath-water warm) pool. He was thrilled to say the least. We were the ONLY ones there. We worked on his front-float a bit and tried some long distance swims. He's a bit uncoordinated with his strokes, but he gets to where he wants to be. He combines his breast stroke with a butterfly and it impedes his forward velocity. I'm just happy that he is making progress.

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Monday, May 08, 2006



Okay, I've been an awful blogger of late. I've also been busting my buns at work AND home so I'll use that as a fairly lame excuse. All told, I've been burning spoons at a deficit of late so I'm reaping the rewards of my misbehavior. The MIL is doing better and the Minister BIL is back in NYC so he'll be able to keep an eye on her for a bit. Alexis seems to have gotten Poison ivy or has had a reaction to the sunblock so we are keeping an eye on her. Jake is Jake and there is nothing he does that surprises us any more. The Mrs's allergies are in full effect right now so she is, for all intensive purposes, quarantined to the Manor. Yep, spring is here. One little interesting tid-bit: I bought a manual 10 ton hydraulic wood splitter for about 130$ including shipping. I'll get that wood split now!

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