White Lightning Axiom: Redux: Saturday Fury - Sunday Succor

Saturday, May 13, 2006


Saturday Fury - Sunday Succor

I'll have to keep this short or I'll never get through the weekend tally. Sure, I feel guilty that I might be shorting you all on some fabulous tales of wonder and UNPARALLELED RAGE OF BLOODY VENGEANCE .... ahem ... yes. I suppose I overestimate my ability to spin epic tales of lore, but I like the world I live in. King of the moon-rocks, I am. Anywho, Friday is as Friday does. Evening traffic was a monster even though I left 15 minutes early. It took me 30 minutes just to get on the turnpike! The KOP tolls have this trait on Friday afternoon. 100 lanes crushed down to 2 lanes and there is no mercy for the timid. We an be civilized though. I usually sneak into the tolls by going through a secret government entrance just before the toll booths. Really, it is kinda a government secret entrance. About 25 meters before the tolls there is an on-ramp that the employees of Lockheed-Martian use. It allows you to circumvent an extra 100 meters of sitting in line. Anyways, it drops you into the right most cattle-chutes and you just sit in line and wait your turn to merge into the lane that will take you to 276 east. Simple. Since you are in the Right Most Lane you would think that common courtesy would prohibit any fool from passing me on the mere inches that represents a shoulder. Nope. A few folks became much too impatient to have to wait like all the rest of us and roared down the shoulder showering cruft and debris on the law abiding motorists. After the third vehicle did this, I figured it was high time to shut down this 'gap in the border' by inching just a bit more to the right. Finally, as I was nearing the point where I would have to get into the 'real' lane, some TURD tries to nudge past on the right. The SUV behind me notices that I'm running as a blocker and moves up to my bumper so as to effectively force this fellow into a full stop. He is waving his hands and pounding on the steering wheel as he learns that nobody (who he illegally and immorally passed) is interested in letting him back into the lane. I doubt that he will learn from this, but it is nice to see vigilante justice done. I also see the other 3 cars that passed me in the left lane as I roll slowly by them. I'll wager they were still in that lane as I merged into traffic on the turnpike. Patients wins the day.

I barely make it to karate practice. Just as the kids bounce onto the mat, practice begins. The little pep talk about listening to teachers, parents and adults may have helped a bit. There was no whining or intransigent behavior. When we get back home, the Mrs has already departed for NYC so I spend the time to prepare a dinner while the Glee Filled Tyrants preoccupy themselves in the sandpit till darkness falls. Right about this time, the migraine starts and signals the mind-daemons that this will be a long weekend for torment and agony. Jake is in and out of bed all night. He eventually settles into bed with me at 0200 ... and promptly rolls off at 0300 with a reverberating THUNK. As addled as I am by the medication, I have enough wits about me to deposit him back into the warm embrace of the quilts and go into the Den of Horrors to pull out Alexis for a potty attempt. No luck. I'm drifting in and out of sleep as the electricity in my brain waxes and wanes. At 0700, Alexis strolls in as wet as a drowned cat. Change her, change the sheets and start up the wash. Pop a few more pain-killers on top of the Maxalt and languish in bed while the two little ones show me no mercy.

The day drags on as I clean up and feed the ravenous maws of the Manor. When I'm feeling a bit more perky, we head off to do a few minor chores. Fill up the Super Saturn with 30$ of gasoline for the week is the primary goal. Friggen 30$ for 10 gallons. I miss the 90's, don't you know. I was planning on getting something for the Mrs for Mother's day and found the perfect thing. Right across the street from the OLGC church, there is a Spa that is relatively clean. They offer multiple services and when the kids and I stopped in, they seemed to be quite flexible. About 300$ of (Her) hard earned cash for a few hours of bliss and relaxation. Hopefully, she'll be able to use it when she is not overwhelmed by allergies. Fortunately for our budget, my idea of relaxation comes in along the lines of sanding a floor or chopping wood all day and having someone about to bring me drinks, finger food and tools when needed. Speaking of living by the sweat of one's brow, our final stop was at the local Sears Hardware store to pick up some herbicides and insecticides. The former for the poison ivy, the later for grubs in the lawn. While the kids spent time in the sandbox, I spent time putting down the moss and grub control. Later, I went out to the Toxic Forest where the pine barrens once stood and started laying down the dioxin/Agent Orange laden RoundUp. I did not get very far as the skies suddenly darkened and formed a cloud-like fist that menaced me from above. Within moments, the Tyrants were chanting for lightning to come down and the Wrath of Thor to smote all those who opposed them. They were heard and their wishes granted, somewhat. Pea-sized hail began to rain down as I conducted evacuation procedures to bring everything inside. Kids, dogs, lunches. The tools and herbicides were left to fend for themselves. The hail and rain continued on and off for the remainder of the day. At one point, the front broke for a few moments and I was presented with the opportunity to survey the gutters to see which had become clogged. In spite of the installation of gutter-barriers, some detritus had made it into the miles of gutter and blocked two of the down-spouts. This was wreaking havoc with the landscaping below and needed some precision adjustments. This was me taking my hand and scooping out wads of decaying plant matter. Yum. Stunk like a month old vermin carcass in August.

The next day, Sunday, did not go too well for me. The Migraine was in full effect and the kids were not too keen on granting me much consideration. I spent most of my lucid moments bowing to their demands. The rest of the time, I was just hoping that whatever they were disassembling would be easy to fix at a later date. Needless to say, the living room was a total loss. Since I was not going anywhere, I had not thought to go out to the car and close the windows. I figured that I could deal with that after the Mrs got back home. At that time, I was completely out of it and trying to get Alexis in the bath. She was falling asleep in her dinner and she REALLY needs to be bathed so we could attend to her ravaged skin. I parsed off some of my tasks to the Mrs and quietly slipped under the covers to quiet the thunder in my skull. Of course, it rained last night. The universe has animosity towards me and is a bitter, peevish, vindictive little entity.

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