White Lightning Axiom: Redux

Well, that was fairly useless. I was going to get some real work done yesterday, but that was ground down to a fine grit of erasure turds and eye boogers as I spent a great portion of my day diddling with paperwork and junk-email. My adventures into ersatz work have left me feeling empty and somewhat guilty. I need a noble (and futile) thrust into the mountain of work laid out like the craggy peaks of the Rockies or Alps to waylay my creeping disharmony. All that will change today I should hope. The sounds of the charge of the Light Brigade (Lord Alfred Tennyson) will echo out through the cavernous cube-farm of sensory deprivation chambers amongst the cacophony of importunate clacking of keyboards and singing telephones. The pleas both professional and romantic will not fall upon exasperated senses! Ummm ... ok. calm down ... whew.

Swimming and TSD with the tyrants went well. I lost my temper a bit on the trip between the two though. I need to remember that I'm a dad first. Poor Jake lost a bit of one of his transformer toys for the ump-teen millionth time and it frustrates me to no end. Not that he looses it or he does not think to watch were it went (he is a 5 year old boy after all ... things don't change much even if you are 40), its the situation that confounds me. I am unable to help him or even help myself help him. I'm on the road, crushed and battered by the lemming hordes who are all rushing to do manage their own myopic interests. Caring about the concerns of a haggard man and his limitations is the furthest thing from their mind. Heh ... displacement. I'll just have to 'redouble my efforts' in daddy-hood. Hugs and sweet words for the Twin Tyrants this afternoon.

After TSD, I dropped off the kids and went right to the back yard to till up some barren soil and plant zoysia grass. I found a lot of tuberous roots from the pachysandras that I'll need to ferret out. I'll probably be tilling again on Friday after I mow the lawn.

Technorati Tags:Work | Swimming | Karate | Children | Lawn

Labels: Banalities Work, Children, Karate, Lawn, Swimming

I had started this Sunday Night ... but alas, the anti-soporific allure of the Television captured my attention and I ended up watching 'Tin Man' on the SciFi channel till the wee hours of the morning. These vicissitudes in my sleep patterns are doing me no good, I know. Sometimes I just want to watch a show without a squeaky clean animation character. Speaking of characters, the dodgeball/swim night went well on Friday ... followed closely the next morning of me hauling my sorry sagging rear out of bed at the absurd hour of 0745. The tyrants were rampaging though the house and this always invoked the 'WHINE' factor in the hounds. They understand if they simper long and loud, I'll eventually let them out to do their stuff on the back-50. Then, it's off to administer the death penalty to another innocent evergreen. I went to a small farm that I spotted on my commute to work that was selling live trees for $30 a pop. Free-range, yup. So I met a man by the name of Emmo who apparently had a son that went to Cornell! Funny. Even funnier was the damned ATM at the Wawa that I usually stop off at was out of order so I had to find a different working one. Cost me about 15 minutes. After I gingerly transported the 50 foot pine strapped to the top of the SuperSaturn POS with spit, duct tape and gumption, I cored it out and hauled it to the Grand Cathedral in the Manor with a bit of help from the Mrs. As you know, I have some slight balance issues and have learned to NOT TRUST my internal ear. Just because things feel like they are tipping to the left or right, that means nothing to gravity. I have to judge my 'uprightness' by checking my surroundings. Makes swimming a real bear. In any event, the Mrs gave her 'Seal of Approval' and the strings of lights were added. Ornamentation would come later at the deft hands (and myopic minds) of the Tyrants.

That afternoon, the whole clan spent time outdoors raking up leaves in the front expanse. The Mrs would rake to the curb, I would run the mower over the area to suck up the remaining leaves and detritus. Rake, mow, blow, suck ... ummm, yeah. We cleared out the front fairly well leaving mountains of leaves which were promptly blown back into the grass and garden beds. Damn. We had to do it though since we were expecting nasty weather the next day. With continuing unpleasantness through the rest of the winter. Indeed, it snowed that night and made a terrible mess. While we were at it, I had the Tyrants take the truck load of aging pumpkins from the front porch to the Agricultural Sector and SMASH THEM! HULK SMASH PUMPKINS!!! Heh ... time and place for everything, you know. They were starting to get a bit soft so it was time to dispose of them. I'm certain I'll get a lot of 'volunteers' next spring after I till them under. After the Mrs and I finished up with the leaves (the Tyrants abandoned us for the comfort of the wood-burning stove), I ran across the street to help our neighbor, Gus, with a couple of 25 foot tall trees that he needed to take down. Yep, just could not get enough lumberjacking in so I started in on the arboreal work in the local area. It took little time but the chain on the semi-commercial saw started to dull before we got to the hard part ... cutting the stump flush with the soil. Leaning over with a roaring chain-saw ... yep, I'm destined to be sore the next day. To cap off the day, I made some Bohemian Goulash and load of Beef Stroganoff for the week's meals. The Mrs made chicken wings (ACK!). The cavalcade of leftovers is never long lived. I'm not sure what I would do without the double-blessing of ground beef and pasta.

Sunny Sunday ... not so much. Snow, sleet and just general nastiness. This impacted the attendance at Sunday School too. Only 4 little smiling faces showed up ... all talking about how they were going to build snowmen and make snow angels in the slop that laid about the ground like a sodden quilt. Of course, we had to stop at Dunkin Donuts afterwards, and share the plunder with the Mrs back at the manor. The Tyrants decorated the tree and put nearly all their ornaments within the first 3 feet from the floor. Looks good to them I suppose. We rearranged some of them and filled in all the empty spots. I spent the rest of the day bumbling about with laundry, feeding the wood burning stove and puttering about in the garage. I did manage to get the automatic garage door openers rewired so I did not have to use the remote to open the durned thangs. Good to get something accomplished. Oh, and I finally put up the wall Spackle over the patches in the closet wall. Now for the paint and the new shelves ... I can finally put my clothing in the same room I sleep in!

Technorati Tags:Snow | Weekend | Lawn | Christmas | Children

Labels: Banalities, Children, Church, Home Improvements, Lawn, Lumberjack, Mundane, Rain, Snow, Weather, Winter, Wood

And Hellllooooooo Monday. I'm on support phone detail for the next 4 days. I'll be grumpy, irritable ... curmudgeonly, cantankerous even. However, all this flummery about my attitude means little when the change is nearly invisible to my peers and associates. Yep, happy-happy corporate suckup, I am. Enough of that incessant whining though. Let's talk about the incessant whining I did this weekend.

What was left of Friday ended up being quite mild. The Tyrants had fun at TSD practice and even more fun with the 15 last minutes being dedicated to dodge ball. One small concern was the persistent cough that Alexis first developed a few days ago. It was sticking around that that was not a good sign. She was going to get a 'sticking' on Saturday morning and if she was ill, she would not get her booster shots. So, Saturday rolls around and we are at the Pediatrician's office. We did the eye test, weight, height and all the other semi-routine inspections. Nothing note-worthy. Just two normal kids except for the Neural Implants and Cybernetic Augmentation. Then, came the shots. Jacob watched as each yard long garden-hose sized needles were thrust into his arm and the 55 gallon drums of weakened polio, typhus and other associated biological crap was emptied into his tiny body. 4 shots in all. He calmly watched with detached interest. Like watching an snail crawl over a hot driveway in the waning hours of an August day. Alexis witnessed this and became exponentially distressed at the appearance of every needle. When it was her turn, she was nearly hysterical. I could tell she got this 'needle phobia' trait from me. I am not entirely tolerant of such things. When she finds out what is involved in getting your ears pierced, I'm almost certain she will forgo the 'enhancement'. So, to through the shots, I had to restrain her in my lap and try to circumvent her 'grip break maneuvers' that we had taught her in Tang So Doo. This was extraordinarily difficult ... I am suffering for teaching her how to escape the restraints of adults. After applying the gauze and splints, and a few band-aids on her, we departed the house of pain for a house of Ice Cream and Pizza. You have to understand, we were not rewarding her for the anti-needle/anti-adult behavior. Of course, I do not have to worry about her taking any sort of illegal injectable drugs now, do I?

After the torture incident and the conciliatory pizza lunch, we returned to the manor where I commenced with mowing the front pastoral expanse and slicing up boards for the Twins to practice their Karate on. Breaking cinder-blocks is their weak link so I went out and got some fairly fragile pine boards that they could practice on. While I was puttering about the Mile Long Driveway, I spotted our Greek Neighbors and waved. It's been a bit since we have talked so we felt compelled to talk. One thing lead to another and Alexis wandered out of the Manor and spotted Gus and Irene and HAD to be involved. They have become our 'Fallback Grandparents' for the Twins. Soon enough, Alexis had disappeared into their home to go play with their piano and engage in other sorts of activity. Hours later, she had forgotten about the shots, and emerged from their home clutching a stuffed plush cat toy who she has since named 'Rose'. So now, the spoilage is complete. I think we can look forward to Alexis forming a tight bond with Irene who is quite intelligent once you have the time to speak with her in detail. Most likely a good influence in her life.

Sunday: Lets make it quick, eh? Sunday School - the kids love it and the New Teacher is appreciative to have someone with a bit of pluck to lead the kids in the 'wake-up' exercise. She is a bit older (Grandma status) and is not entirely keen on prancing about with a bunch of 5 year old whipper-snappers. We are talking potential broken-hip here. She knows not of my condition, which is for the best. Donuts afterwards and then back to the manor so I could finish mowing the Back Pastoral Expanse. The blanket of falling leaves make this an extended effort so I cannot go very long before I need to empty the bag. I discovered another issue with falling leaves beyond its ability to obscure the mountains of doggie-dip ... sticks. Sadly, one stick has managed to cause me an extraordinary bit of grief. One of the sticks popped up and got wedged between the belt that drives the front wheels and the central spindle that the blade is attached to. well, it snapped the belt off it's track and right into the path of the blades. So, now I need to purchase a replacement belt so that the front-wheel drive will work. It may be the last time I mow down the jungle this year .. but it would be best if I take care of this ASAP.

Other Sunday Accomplishments: Laundry, Made a pot of beef stew, Discarded dead plants, put polyurethane on the molding and some boards, fixed some letters on the CrossBeam of the TwinTower AA Platform. Then I rested. Of course, Alexis had drawn a thank-you picture for Gus&Irene that she had to present. That was a multi-hour activity, don't you know. So, there are multiple things that were not addressed on my list. This next weekend we are going to the Sesame Place Trick-or-Treat activity so we may not have time to do it then either. And I'm on pager detail this week. That, is a long and sordid tail for another post.

Technorati Tags:Weekend | Karate | Church | Plumbing

Labels: Banalities, Church, Gardening, Lawn, Weekend

Sorry to leave y'all in a lurch like that. The last few weeks have been a tad interesting. A brief and entirely uninteresting synopsis:








1) TSD:The intrepid wonder twins; Attila and Ghengis, got their Sparring Gear ... much pummeling ensued. Not to be undone by her beating at her brother's hands, Attila proceeds to 'Beat the tar out of him' when doing one-steps with Josh. I was treated to my own tar-release program in the adult class.

2) ENTERTAINMENT; CHILD:Last wet-day at Sesame Place included rides on the 'big boy (and girl)' rides that required a 42' stature. The lack of lines after Labor Day proved absurdly enjoyable and well worth the price of admission.

3) ENTERTAINMENT; ADULT:Between periods of work and migraines, I attended a few social events. Mostly mundane and rather brief. I owe one of my former co-workers about 20$ for beer and munchies due to an inoperable ATM. I'll send it to him in his Christmas Update Letter (Encyclopedia Sized).

4) EMPLOYMENT:Work, as busy and all consuming as it is, consisted of training, managing, monitoring, self testing and the omni-present and highly fungible level 4 support rotation. Never have I prayed so much outside of work as I did on this rotation.

5) HAUPERTONIAN MANOR:At the manor: Tilled the garden under except for the 10,000 pumpkins, bazillion carrots and bushels of green tomatoes. I actually got the Monster Tiller repaired at a local small-engine repair shop. Well worth the $100 repair bill; started on the first pull. Also got to deal with a clogged main-line sewer blockage. Somehow, a t-shirt label had come loose and wedged itself in the pipes about 25 feet down the way. Took a bit of gumption and a few fixes (small hole in 30 year old pipe) to get everything online. Now it drains like a champ. Of course, in the process of re-assembling the utility-tub drain, I cracked myself on the bridge of the nose with a plumbers wrench. My God ... it's full of stars ... and little tweeting birdies. Thought for sure I broke my nose but the blood loss was minimal and little bruising/swelling proved me wrong. Resigned myself to planting mums and bulbs in the garden after recovering from a monster headache the next day. Gee, I wonder why my head hurt.

6) FAMILY; MRS:The expected busy period for the Mrs got nixed when the recreant and ignoble miscreants from a remote location proved that their flippant behavior was not to be tolerated. They are in the midsts of covering up misdeeds and her requests exposed their roguish cozenages. Much wailing and gnashing of teeth will soon commence.

7) FAMILY; CHILDREN: Children are loving Kindergarten. Almost as much as the Mrs and I as we sit down to go over homework assignments, practice writing letters and going over spelling lists. As God as my witness, I shall make sure they write their first epic novel before they get to 1st grade. Or at least, a story that has all 20 words that they need to learn in it.

And there you are. I still live and soldier forth with few symptoms. Granted, most of my impediments are self inflicted. I shall endeavor to update you with the salient matters (read: blatantly mundane and mostly fabricated) as the occur. HUZZAH!


Technorati Tags:Gas | Swimming | Karate | Children | Plumbing

Labels: Banalities, Bar, Beer, Children, Family, Lawn, Migraine, Parenting, Summer, Swimming, Water, Weekend

Work has me pinned down today. I got into work at 0745 only to find an email sent to me last night regarding an 0830 meeting on a subject that I had virtually no in-depth knowledge on. I was to be the technical resource. URK! Had to bone up quickly and in the end, the resolution was to deny the request anyways since it did not comply with the standard ... mkay, hacking the system is bad. I'll go with that.

Last night was not too shabby at all. Swimming was greeted with a visit from Miss Steph, who for some reason enjoys being assailed by the Tyrants. Hey, if she is going to be a teacher, more power to her. I wonder how long it is before she becomes jaded and bitter. Poor thing, I wonder how she will do after having kids. I notice that it seem to be a magic switch in some folks. But hey, who am I to delve into the potentially ultraistic motivations of others who serve as a diversionary target thus relieving me from being constantly dunked! Karate went well, the kids really want to learn their next form, but are uninterested in getting the first part right before moving on to the next. Frustrating for both parties, but we will soldier on. For some odd reason, Alexis suddenly had a bloody nose in the middle of the class and was welcomed into the cooing clutch of the mothers in the audience. Nothing serious, and I know the source (damn nose goblins, all sticky and stuff), so I continued on with Jake. He was less than pleased to be the benefactor of 100% of my critique. I have my own new form to learn, and it is not as simple. I've done a fairly good job at completely demolishing it every time. I might need to return to my cheat-sheets!

The cooler temps and light rainfall have been a Godsend for the grass. Not watering the landscaping here at the Haupertonian Manor was a poor choice. Looking over the parched landscape, I noticed small patches of muted green. Upon further inspection, I found that these were my zoysia plugs. They had taken root and flourished with impunity! I've just ordered a new batch which I intend on planting in spots where the 'classic' blue-grass and rye have been met with a summary execution at the hands (paws) of the fire pissing cybernetic hounds. We'll find if it is really pet-waste tolerant, now won't we?

Technorati Tags:Lawn | Swimming | Karate | Children | Work | Weather

Labels: Banalities Work, Children, Lawn, Mundane, Tang So Doo, Water

Well, let's see here. What to talk about first. Friday was fairly anti-climatic. Let sleeping dogs lay was the theme for the day. I stuck around the Home Office all day in case I needed to be called on to 'testify' for the TL9000 audit of our division. Silly stuff, so I bounced about and helped out some of my co-workers where I could. Standard end of the week agitprop greasing the slide into 5 O'Clock slackerdom. Friday is an exercise in pushing items off your plate and trying to temporize any requests that may come your way. Any meeting you come away with fewer action items than you went in with is a success. Even better, avoiding meetings where you might get something which would demolish your weekend is even better. But, you know, that's not really the team spirit, is it?

When I was heading back to the Manor after skirting responsibility all day, I was about to load up the POS SuperSaturn with my wheel barrow of work related paraphernalia when I discovered that I had neglected a complete a critical task that morning. You see, the squirrels have been destroying my crocus bulbs in their quest to dig up the emerging 7/21 year cicclids. So, they happen on my bulbs and think: MMMMM, this might be tasty. Argh. Go eat the damn bird seed you tree rats! In any event, I've been trapping them with live traps and relocating them on the other side of the turnpike. No chance that they will find their way back. Now I'm not trying to eradicate the population, I know better. Won't happen. I'm just trying to remove the sub-class that seems to have the gumption to dig up my flower beds in spite of the defensive perimeter claymore mines and the cybernetic hell-hounds leaving their acrid scent everywhere. So, I caught on this past morning and dropped the chattering little bastard into the trunk of the SS, cage and all. And there he sat, all day. Gitmo could have learned something from me. It was a relatively cloudy and cool day so he did not end up roasting to death, and when discovered ... was still filled with piss and vinegar about being trapped. I let him loose and he bounded off towards the near-by military base. Probably to pick up some plastic explosives and assault weaponry to get back at me. He disregarded the contract I had him sign saying that he would denounce his former 'anti crocus' ways. Damn tree rats.

Tyrants behaved as they usually do. All uppity in the pool and such. Don't want to go swimming, want to go to karate till it's time to get out of the pool. Then they want to swim and not go to karate till I remind them that it's dodge-ball Friday. Fickle little turds. Jake is still a bit under the weather and had a mini-meltdown in class. We cut that short! His 'tantrum' is usually him clenching his fists and screwing his face up into a whiny scowl and emitting a high-pitch screech ... like a wind-up to a major explosion or something. Usually I just have to bark out his name and he cuts it short. I've only seen him do it twice, but I let him know that it's not a behavior that I'll let go unchallenged. He is starting to learn that he will not get his way all the time and there are more ... proactive ways of resolving conflicts. This one will not work.

Saturday: do nothing but sleep in with a cruddy migraine and slum around all day. Pick some veggies, clean up the Master Suite a bit. Hang with the kids. Since the lawn is a perfect beige color now, mowing is not required. I'll certainly make sure that the sprinklers are turned on next year, the lawn looks like hell after this summer. The garden isn't much better off, but we do have about a dozen pumpkins that are looking quite spectacular now. A basket of very intense tomatoes too. Very flavorful due to the limited rainfall.

Sunday: more of Saturday's activity. We were planning on going to Sesame Place again, but forecasts of mid-day thunderstorms and a general malaise with the Tyrants but the kibosh on that. Genghis and Attila took turns napping on the Iron Maiden (New non-Hydraulic Master Mile Wide Bed), desperately trying to shake whatever NEW virus they managed to pick up. That, or the old virus mutated in both of them and they gave each-other a new bag-o-crap ... which I'm now coming down with. Nice. Indeed, each had a bit of a fever and the hacking cough prevalent in the Haupertonain TB Ward. The phlegm and snot runneth deep here, mind your step.

Technorati Tags:Weekend | Swimming | Karate | Children | Illness | Gardening | Lawn | Summer

Labels: Banalities Work, Bed, Children, Gardening, Illness, Karate, Lawn, Migraine, Summer, Swimming, Water

Behind the 8-Ball again here in the wonderful world of Haupertonian HyJinx. Friday was an abnormally mundane day. It got A LOT cooler around here so I could mow the lawn with little consequence. On top of the lack of measurable rain, the non-use of the sprinkler system of biblical proportions has resulted in a very un-healthy lawn. I did not need to empty the clippings till I had finished the whole front pastoral expanse. I could see every spot where I planted the drought tolerant zyosia grass though. Looks like it is spreading exactly where I wanted it to. I'm thinking about buying another sheet to fill in those 'less healthy' areas. Next year, it should really start taking over like some sort of alien kudzu. Saturday, I slept in till nearly noon. How I managed to subvert the Mrs into letting me get away with that, I cannot remember. I'll wager I signed a contract in blood that involved me surrendering a critical part of my anatomy at a nebulous future date. Hrmmmm ... I'll bet she mind-wiped me while I was sleeping. I'll have to take a look at my cerebral log files to see what happened. She is trick though ... probably edited them too. Ungh ... getting a headache thinking about this ... some sort of ... synaptic virus ... REBOOT, REBOOT! .... [static]

Wha? Oh, yes Saturday. Watched the kids play on the driveway while I was busy with the wee-eater in the back. Trimming some of the areas that the mower could not get at. Fixing up little things with the Twin AAA Towers in the Sand pit and mucking about in the agricultural sector. Typical puttering about type tasks that seem to gather en-mass towards the end of the week. We did have a minor outing to the Local Home Depot Temple to see if we could pick up the beveled mirror doors for Jake's closet. Much to my disappointment, they no longer carry the preferred product in stock ... it's a Stanley Special Order item now. GRRR.... We decided to make some measurements back at the manor and get doors for the other closets as well so we would only have to go through the red-tape again. It is getting harder and harder to make purchases for these type of 'big ticket' items. I think the Usurper Lowes is really putting a hurting on LHDT (Local Home Depot Temple). Dejected and disgruntled, we went off to Giant and picked up some butchers discount stew meat. Yeah, it was probably getting 'ripe' but since I have an iron gut and I intended on using it for shishkabobs on Sunday, I had little worry about spending 7$ on the 3 packs. Sunday: in short consisted of an early mass with the Twin Tyrants, the habitual stop at Dunkin Donuts and a early departure for Sesame Place. We got there by 1030 hours (it opens at 1000) so the usual line of cars leading out of the lot had dwindled considerably. Now, you would think that with a full parking lot we would have to contend with a horde of eager masses at the entrance. Indeed, there was a MONSTROUS gaggle of unwashed population queued up. We have a season passport which has a special line. It took us about 5 minutes to clear the gate. Oh yeah! (Doing a chair dance, stirring the pot, etc...) We then spent the next 7 hours getting roasted because we were about 3 feet from the sun all day long. Alexis broke out of her shell and went on the 'Giant Ducky Ride' as well as the big tube ride twice. It was a very good trip. We ate beef jerky on the way home and I made the kabobs with the garlic sauce marinated meat. A fitting conclusion to an untypically awesome weekend.

Oh, and gasoline is now at USD $2.59/gal. Not perfect, but getting better.

Technorati Tags:Gas | SwimmingChildren | Sesame Place

Labels: Children, Family, Gas, Lawn, Meat, Mundane, Swimming, Water, Weekend

Well, it looks like the GrandParent Patrol will not be able to make a fly-by this weekend. Other plans, with each-other, don't ya know. No way I could possibly blame them for that! So, they'll be down the following week when the Karate test is going on ... that should be fun. Pizza afterwards ... I'll bring the wine again. The kids mattress pickup will have to wait a week ... I'm sure it will do. I'm thinking about setting up Jakes bed and letting him sleep on the sofa [ed. not as punishment mind you, he LOVES sleeping on the softer sofa.] till we actually use Gramp's Big Black Truck (tm) to pick up the bedding.

In news closer to this temporal moment, I got to work before 0800 today since I am now in my support rotation. Bleh, hope things go smoothly over the weekend. There has been a shake-up in the 3rd level support group and most of the seasoned handlers were moved into 'research' positions. That leaves us with a whole new crop of green personnel to break in. I'm not in the mood either. I'm still waking up in pain from my back and now a muscle in my side is acting up because of overcompensation. I blundered through swimming, karate and adult karate last night with little issue, but I have to keep it simple so I do not aggravate anything before next weekend. And yes, I still need to mow the damn lawn. And fertilize it ... and put up the molding in the MBR ... and 100 other little tasks that I never seem to get around too. At least the garden looks nice!

Technorati Tags:Lawn | Swimming | Karate | Injury | Plumbing

Labels: Family, Gardening, Grandparents, Home Improvements, Injury, Karate, Lawn, Swimming, Tang So Doo, Weather

Just a few things to banter about, the greatest of which is the gobsmacked state I'm in due to me laying down coat #2 on the floor in Jovial Jake's room. A little splash of mineral spirits, a daub of paraffin based oils ... wheeze! My noggin is swimming in an ocean of synaptic discombobulation. This leaves only one more coat to apply ... this Thursday after sufficient time for drying. Then, while we are on vacation, the final coat should coagulate into a high-gloss shine. Slap up the wall-paper and call me Susan! It's fortunate that I did manage to find those last 4 cans of finish ... the only ones left in existence. I used two on this coat so I should have just enough for the last layer. Looking forward to that ... like an enriched uranium enema.

I called the water company, Aqua PSW, yesterday. I asked for them to send a 'technician' out to put my seasonal meter back in so I can start up the summer sprinkler system that I so meticulously installed. After going through voice mail hell TWICE, I finally get a rep who tries to sort out my account. She hems and haws about various inconsistencies about my account and makes a comment about a meter shutoff request made in 1985 ... yeah. I was living in another State at that time and most assuredly did not make that request. So, she confesses that she is not sure how to proceed and needs to ask her manager (I'm expecting another hang-up at this time). She actually comes back online and says that she will be able to do this, but there is a 50$ meter transaction fee. WHAT!? Yes, 50$ to install or remove a meter. So, here are my choices: I can pay 100$ a year to have my seasonal meter removed/installed or pay 20$ a month for a minimum usage fee. Dammit, what kind of nonsense is this. They want to venerate myself before their billing department for the privilege to pay more for nothing? Gha! Every one wants a slice of my pie, and they have no problem laying out mendaciously specious tales to get it. I've threatened to have a well drilled for the singular purpose of feeding my sprinkler system due to their horrific billing practices and inability to keep accurate records. Now, I'm on the precipice of doing so. Double argh.

Technorati Tags:Home Improvements | Water | Fumes | Polyurethane | Plumbing

Labels: Banalities, Home Improvements, Lawn, Summer, Water

So, it was a fairly laid-back weekend for the Family Haupertonian. The Hazy sun blasting down the unshakable heat and the air, laden with moisture, enabling every item of clothing to stick like RTV adhesive to the flesh. Yep, summer is here. It was even accompanied by the Trademarked philly super-soaker thunderstorms. It's hot and humid, it rains to the point of flooding, then the sun comes out and heats it up even more with the additional hot rain humidity. YUM! In between the environmental weather artifacts, we had a picnic on the deck with the Tyrannical Twins. Chips, cheddar-wursts, carrot sticks and roast Pterodactyl. Delish! After roasting in the sun while trying to imitate the Ever Lovely Mrs broiling herself under the cosmic radiation (Yeah, she looks a bit like this when she does that, except with raven black hair), the retired to the cool darkness of the Manor Inner Sanctum for a nap and a bit of .... NASCAR! My little man loves his car racing. It all goes back to that pixar animation movies; Cars. I'm so proud, he is gearing up to be the best damn red-neck a parent could hope for. Could be a Governator some day! Durned tootin'!

Sunday was more of the same, but a bit less in quantity. Since I swam a mile while mowing the lawn on the previous day, I was not disturbed by the intermittent downpours which punctuated the day like small arms fire on the western front. Church went well and once we arrived back at the manor with a small box Dunkin Donuts, we ran into Gus on his way out to give an estimate for a kitchen job. We talked for a bit and the kids goofed with high-fives till he had to get going. We then put the Mastodons back into the kennel before banging on Gus's back door to pay a visit to his Gracious Mrs; Irene. She is apparently a linguist of sorts and can speak Greek (of course), French, Latin and was learning some Korean. No simple house-wife! We spoke of Cyprus and the Greek Islands while the kids rambled through her well kept home. Soon enough, the Mrs called wondering why there was nobody home but all the doors were unlocked ... and the hounds running wild throughout the manor first floor. So, she came over and we all had a good sit till Alexis became impatient. Not a bad way to burn a Sunday Morning. The rest of the day was spent on laundry, minor perfunctory manor dalliances and shredding all junk mail. I spread this in the garden to keep the weeds down. Did I mention that the tomatoes are forming? I've got about 5 now that are roughly 10cm in diameter. Lettuce is ready for munching and some of the broccoli is good to go as well. In spite of the little green caterpillars (picked them off by hand, little buggers), it looks like the cabbage will be set in a few weeks as well. Time to call in the migrant farm-hands to start the harvest!

Technorati Tags:Weekend | Gardening | Picnic | Children

Labels: Family, Gardening, Lawn, Weather, Weekend

For a Friday, there is not much to really mumble about. Just the standard tripe like mowing the lawn, busting my ass in TSD, laundry, etc. The extra-ordinary elements such as the advent of summer uniform season have already been alluded to. This is good in light of the arrival of the omnipresent humidity which will haunt me till well after labor day. It rained last night and in the spirit of the Atlantic Coastal region, it just got hotter after the rainfall and it feels like someone slapped me down with a heavy quilt saturated with water heated to a point where my skin feels like it is being blanched off my body. On top of that, the weed-killer I put on the front pastoral expanse did not have the time to take effect and now I'll need to get some herbicide that has no fertilizer added to it so I do not poison the grass with phosphates and nitrogen. Gha! And to complicate my Good YardKeeping efforts even further, mowing wet grass is not going to happen. I need a good 4-6 hours of sunlight to dry out the jungle or it will just clump up and make a mess. If it's dry, that means all the hydration has been absorbed into the already supersaturated air. Yeah, this is why you all come here. To listen to me whine about the damned lawn. What was my tag line again? Oh yeah:

Life of the mundane middle class, in painful scrutiny

Heh, true to my roots, eh? Maybe I'll kvetch about the garden next week.

Technorati Tags:Lawn | Summer | Karate

Labels: Banalities, Gardening, Lawn, Weather

Well, the last few days have been ... gone in a trice. Perhaps it's the TSD (taking a tip from Charlie on the PA Turnpike here) that is shortening my days and giving me the prepotency to ignore the less glamorous aspects of my engagement with reality. Work issues, although oppressive and unending (I am now on phone support duty for the weekend) seem to hold less sway over me. Perhaps it was my unparalleled planning (read: luck) that I mowed the pastoral expanse AND the back 50 last night before taking the kids to TSD practice. You see, it rained for 40 days and 40 nights over the last few hours. That would mean the spring growth would be nearly impossible to hack down to size next weekend and I would be slaving away on the lawn for HOURS instead of concentrating on the garden or flower beds. I could only assume that the genetically altered inhabitants of the blighted jungle would try to usurp the Haupertonian empire and conduct a putsch against me ... probably aided by the Twin Tyrants of Turpitude. Nope, the lawn is mowed so I need not dither with that nonsense. All the Mountains of Mastodon Manure have been leveled so the Weekend Doggie Dip Date has been obviated. Since I'm on duty, I'll not see much of the Ever Tolerant Mrs or the Tyrants. All the better to do lawn work till the inevitable signal flare from the Titanic is sent up. I'll be certainly quite circumspect when that happens.

Going back to the TSD class. Over the last few days, I'm fairly certain that I have punished every sweat gland on my body to a point where they have just about given up hope of ever being the same again. Nothing like a 500% turnover of body fluids. Part of this has to do with the intense scrutiny of my forms for the upcoming test in a few weeks. Yep, the Tyrants are going to attempt their Yellow Belt and I'm shooting for the Green. At that point, I'll start on my staff forms (Korean:bong) and I'll be eligible to be buffeted about the head and shoulders in sparring. Of course, not that I've managed to crack the code of higher kicks (rotate your back foot instead of twisting your knee-cap off, dummy), I'll have a slim chance of dishing out at least a tenth of what I graciously accept (thank you sir, may I have another!) My limbs are still quite stubbornly disobedient in many cases. I just cannot seem to get the precision down and that is more damaging to my unwitting partners. More than once I've given a hearty, swift kick to what I was envisioning as the Solar Plexus only to have the foot firmly contact the 'man junk'. The target is rarely amused. I've gotten two nicknames out of this ... one is the 'Steel Crane' for my jerky, robotic formality in which I grind through my forms. The other, is "Uggghhhhhh!". Well, that's what they usually call me when I'm asking the prone figure grasping their groin after I've walloped them in the twig and berries if they are OK. Yeah, I'm sensitive like that.

Technorati Tags:Karate | Children | Plumbing | Lawn Mowing

Labels: Karate, Lawn, Spring, Weather