White Lightning Axiom: Redux

So, it got cold last night, really cold. I mean it was so cold that my nipples got hard enough to cut concrete! I really should sleep with some sort of clothing on. Now that I've damaged your fragile psyche with that atrocious visual (everyone thinks in pictures, right?), let me tell you why a simple dip into the 40's makes a difference to a molasses blooded northern'r like myself. You see, the Mrs is a Manhattan girl and the Tyrants are half-n-half. A bit of cream and a bit of lutefisk. So, as it turns out, my son looks mostly like me and got a bit of the Mrs's genetics with his eye shape. I'm finding out that he did not get his tolerance of cold from me. Last night, I sacked out fairly early and actually fell asleep. Of course, sometime in the wee hours of the morning (he had to go wee, thus the phrase?) he got up and tunneled into the Mile Wide Bed. He starts out by snuggling with the Mrs and engaging in his most affectionate act so as to get her to let him stay. She is the gate-keeper ... the bouncer. After he has ingratiated himself with her, he will slowly work his way over to my thin slice of acreage and start siphoning off as much heat as possible from my overactive metabolism. Of course, he will stir a bit and reflexively beat the bejeepers out of my internal organs. Must be some sort of hex the Mrs cast on him so that I can share her experience of carrying him (and sis) for 9+ months. So, my hopes of a solid night's sleep was rended asunder. This series of events has had two distinct impacts on me ... one is that I have become more interested in getting the heat distribution fans installed/fixed for the wood burning stove. Priority on now that the ambient temperature in the Manor is now akin to a cryogenic preservation tube. The other epiphany, is that I am sick. The Murphy Factor hit me hard regarding the Flu Shot Fiasco this past Monday. A few days later and I'll be getting my shot ... I have a TSD test this Saturday ... OF COURSE I'll catch some nasty little genetically engineered virus from the Tyrants. Of course, since my body chemistry is out of whack, I'm trying to plow through a class 2 migraine as well. OF COURSE, that calls for brain-chemistry altering medication ... and we all know what that means ... 'DA FOG'. Present in body, but not quite all the way in mind.

Certainly, everything was trucking along fine but that butter-fly wing batting on Monday is now winding up it's Saffir-Simpson Scale 5 hurricane power. In the good-news column (as lengthy as it is) his morning, when I stepped on the scale, I found that I'm holding steady at 185 lb. Not too bad, considering that I threw myself on the candy-bucket to save the kids from the evil sugar monster. Now, all I have to do is survive the holiday season (Grams is an exclellent cookie/peanut brittle source, Gramps is going to possibly make that date roll I eat too much of) and perhaps avoid another round of mutated virus ... tall order, eh?

Technorati Tags:Bed | Sleep |Illness |Flu Shot |Home Improvements | Karate | Children | Migraine | Winter | Weight

Labels: Bed, Children, Flu Shot, Home Improvements, Illness, Karate, Migraine, Sleep, Tang So Doo, TGIF, Weight, Winter

So, not much to talk about today ... sliding into third base Thursday here. I made it to the Adult TSD class last night, in spite of my massively bruised 'chopping hand'. As I gaze down upon the mutilated appendage dancing over the keyboard, I marvel at the fact that it does not hurt more. Red, white and blue ... well, purple-ish blue. Hopefully, my dedication to not doing what I did to it in the first place will ameliorate the situation before the test on Saturday. Of course, I'm an unabashed recidivist when it comes to matters of personal safety. I'll have to redress that matter before it catches me in the shorts.

Speaking of shorts, last night SUCKED for sleep. I laid awake till nearly 2am ... just unable to nod off. Not sure why, but I am certainly tired enough now. It's been going on all week. I'm going to have to ask the Mrs for a 'night off' where I can just come home and go to bed ... or something like that. This nonsense will certainly impede any progress I hope to make this weekend with various chores and activities about the Manor. And no, I will REFUSE to take medication for this. Perhaps a supplement, but I do not need another raft of pills in my life.

Technorati Tags:Karate | Sleep | Children

Labels: Back Pain, Bed, Children, Injury, Karate, Migraine, Sleep, Tang So Doo

Not much ... it's Friday after all. I try to make sure that this final day of forced labor is as quiet as possible with the exception of dodge ball. And yes, there will be swimming too. Speaking of swimming, Mrs Gwen stopped by the pool yesterday. She was concerned that she had not seen us for so long. She is awfully attached to the Tyrants. They seem to have that peculiar ability to attract adoptive grandparents. On that topic, we had another attack of 'How cute and devilish can I be' from the Haupertonian Scion. Jake invaded our bed again last night, but had the good sense to climb in from the foot of the bed instead of over my head. He let me get some sleep and siphoned heat off of the Mrs instead. Vampires have to let their prey (stock?) recuperate between feedings, you know.

And now, for the progeny of the title for this post. I found this at Varifrank and could only think 'about time'. Like flying cars, zap pistols and faster than light space ships ... it is a 'taste' of the future. Yes, bacon salt. Not only does it make food DAMN GOOD, it will protect your from islamist terrorists! I'm going to talk to the Mrs about quitting my job and becoming a QA Specialist in charge of the bacon salt production line. Oh, and they have a blog too! Boy, wouldn't this stuff make and awesome Christmas present. Eh? EH?

Technorati Tags:Work | Swimming | Karate | Children | Bacon Salt

Labels: Bed, Children, Dodge Ball, Meat, Sleep, Spam, Tang So Doo, TGIF

My week days can be so banal. Wake up to obscure music on clock radio, hit snooze, wake, snooze (repeat several times). Finally realize that it's morning and bumble off to let the cybernetic hell hounds out. Cart away mountains of poo and then feed the prancing ninnies more fodder for their dirty-work the next morn. Realize *I* need to use the bathroom and look at the visage of death warmed over in the mirror. I need to put a picture over the mirrors in the bathroom. The indurate face staring back at me reminds myself that I should be CELEBRATING a new day, no accepting the indignity of being startled from some quickly forgotten gossamer dream. Little context, lesser substance, zero confluence.

After wrapping up my morning constitutional, either I go trundle the Tyrants up and get them to start breakfast, or I let the Mrs handle that variably dangerous task and involve myself with getting their breakfast and lunch ready ... along with my own daily vittles. Raiding the larder, I try to make sure they get something different every morning of the week. Invariably, it has to be something they can eat in our guest bed in front of the TiVo-TV w/o making a tremendous mess. So no liquids. Yeah, that means no eggs either. If I were not so lazy, I would get up an hour earlier and make them a good Minnesota Breakfast. You know, 12 eggs, bacon, toast, kolachies, steak, coffee, slice of apple pie in a bowl of cream ... standard 'bit of breakfast'. As it stands, we already spend over $500USD on food alone per month. So frugality (scrooge!) and sleep (sloth) prevail. That, and it prevents them from invading the bathroom while the Mrs or I are trying to take the all important "morning wake-up shower". Without that, neither of us could be described as anything close to amicable. I've bitten heads off for less. If you do not recall, at the beginning of the summer, the old water boiler krumped on us over Memorial Day Weekend. Yeah, I was a bit of a grumpy gus, but the Mrs damn near laid waste to the population surrounding the Haupertonian Manor for 'Breathing too loud, JUST STOP BREATHING!'.

Hmmm, where was I. My train of thought got derailed ... fatalities. Yes, anyways ... feed the kids, prep breakfast, shower, shave and brush teeth. I've been using the master bath (tiny thing it is) to get back into the old ways and I've noticed that the pressure is much reduced. I think the filter is clogged so we may have to call our plumber to do something about it. I would do this myself, but I have seen what it takes to replace the filter and I would rather Johnas do this. I would certainly break the damn thing and need to call him anyways ... might as well cut to the chase. Another thing about the shower ... I've decided it is my duty to try to use up all those 'single application' packets of shampoo, soap and tooth-paste that we have accumulated over the years. My coworkers are noticing too. My hair looks more 'perky' and lustrous apparently. The usual treatment of lye and burning acids to wash my body/hair have given me split ends and dulled the color. Gee, fashion plate metrosexual that I am, you think I would have avoided that! PTTTHHHH! So, every body is fed and groomed ... Pack up the 100 metric tons of crap I need to lug about every day in the POS SuperSaturn and off I go. Throw the Tyrants out of the airlock with chutes on as I rocket past the ReEducation Camp and spend my 15 minutes getting to work trying to find a song on the radio that does not make me vomit. Do this 5 days a week, you tend not to notice the little nuances every day. I must be getting old because I find this ... comforting.

Work for 8 hrs, flee the building. Snatch tyrants, go swimming for an hour, get pummeled by the lollipop guild for an hour at TDS, then spend another hour and a half getting pummeled by the Black-Belt-Brigade. Home, read bed-time story, get drinks for kids, kisses, eat dinner, kisses for Mrs, prep for next day (i.e. get out one of the 5 identical outfits I wear to work [black denim, black socks, tighty-whities{TMI?}, grey t-shirt]), last blogosphere scan; pass out. Where should I fit in the introspection? The unexamined life is not worth living ...

Shove it Socrates.

Technorati Tags:Shower | Swimming | Karate | Children | Plumbing

Labels: Banalities, Bed, Children, Home Improvements, Karate, Mundane, Sleep, Swimming, Tang So Doo, Traffic

Well, let's see here. What to talk about first. Friday was fairly anti-climatic. Let sleeping dogs lay was the theme for the day. I stuck around the Home Office all day in case I needed to be called on to 'testify' for the TL9000 audit of our division. Silly stuff, so I bounced about and helped out some of my co-workers where I could. Standard end of the week agitprop greasing the slide into 5 O'Clock slackerdom. Friday is an exercise in pushing items off your plate and trying to temporize any requests that may come your way. Any meeting you come away with fewer action items than you went in with is a success. Even better, avoiding meetings where you might get something which would demolish your weekend is even better. But, you know, that's not really the team spirit, is it?

When I was heading back to the Manor after skirting responsibility all day, I was about to load up the POS SuperSaturn with my wheel barrow of work related paraphernalia when I discovered that I had neglected a complete a critical task that morning. You see, the squirrels have been destroying my crocus bulbs in their quest to dig up the emerging 7/21 year cicclids. So, they happen on my bulbs and think: MMMMM, this might be tasty. Argh. Go eat the damn bird seed you tree rats! In any event, I've been trapping them with live traps and relocating them on the other side of the turnpike. No chance that they will find their way back. Now I'm not trying to eradicate the population, I know better. Won't happen. I'm just trying to remove the sub-class that seems to have the gumption to dig up my flower beds in spite of the defensive perimeter claymore mines and the cybernetic hell-hounds leaving their acrid scent everywhere. So, I caught on this past morning and dropped the chattering little bastard into the trunk of the SS, cage and all. And there he sat, all day. Gitmo could have learned something from me. It was a relatively cloudy and cool day so he did not end up roasting to death, and when discovered ... was still filled with piss and vinegar about being trapped. I let him loose and he bounded off towards the near-by military base. Probably to pick up some plastic explosives and assault weaponry to get back at me. He disregarded the contract I had him sign saying that he would denounce his former 'anti crocus' ways. Damn tree rats.

Tyrants behaved as they usually do. All uppity in the pool and such. Don't want to go swimming, want to go to karate till it's time to get out of the pool. Then they want to swim and not go to karate till I remind them that it's dodge-ball Friday. Fickle little turds. Jake is still a bit under the weather and had a mini-meltdown in class. We cut that short! His 'tantrum' is usually him clenching his fists and screwing his face up into a whiny scowl and emitting a high-pitch screech ... like a wind-up to a major explosion or something. Usually I just have to bark out his name and he cuts it short. I've only seen him do it twice, but I let him know that it's not a behavior that I'll let go unchallenged. He is starting to learn that he will not get his way all the time and there are more ... proactive ways of resolving conflicts. This one will not work.

Saturday: do nothing but sleep in with a cruddy migraine and slum around all day. Pick some veggies, clean up the Master Suite a bit. Hang with the kids. Since the lawn is a perfect beige color now, mowing is not required. I'll certainly make sure that the sprinklers are turned on next year, the lawn looks like hell after this summer. The garden isn't much better off, but we do have about a dozen pumpkins that are looking quite spectacular now. A basket of very intense tomatoes too. Very flavorful due to the limited rainfall.

Sunday: more of Saturday's activity. We were planning on going to Sesame Place again, but forecasts of mid-day thunderstorms and a general malaise with the Tyrants but the kibosh on that. Genghis and Attila took turns napping on the Iron Maiden (New non-Hydraulic Master Mile Wide Bed), desperately trying to shake whatever NEW virus they managed to pick up. That, or the old virus mutated in both of them and they gave each-other a new bag-o-crap ... which I'm now coming down with. Nice. Indeed, each had a bit of a fever and the hacking cough prevalent in the Haupertonain TB Ward. The phlegm and snot runneth deep here, mind your step.

Technorati Tags:Weekend | Swimming | Karate | Children | Illness | Gardening | Lawn | Summer

Labels: Banalities Work, Bed, Children, Gardening, Illness, Karate, Lawn, Migraine, Summer, Swimming, Water

Last night, since I was not getting my rear-end trounced at TSD practice, I spent some time setting up the beds for the Tyrannical Twins. Yes, we do not have the bed frame supports yet, so I was content to just set the mattress and box springs on the floor and disassemble the toddler beds. Much of the furniture had to be removed from the room as well, but that would have to be done anyways. Getting the porters lined up and busy lugging away the tons of granite pyramid blocks now instead of a later date when I did not have all this surplus time would be what some call 'proactive'. When the Tyrants surveyed their new full sized sleeping arrangements, they were satisfied that it was adequate for the barbarian royalty. Well into the night, my
diaphanous slumber was left undisturbed. Only the whisking of the ceiling fan and the drum of crickets outside could be heard. Neither of them woke in the middle of the night to use the toilet either. This anomaly continued till well into the morning when I had to pry them out of the beds with explosives and heavy construction equipment. This my have been a fortuitous expenditure for the Mrs and I. She, of course, was dealing with the indescribable comfort of sleeping in the Iron Maiden ... it was like being in the middle of the Pampas ... not a soul to disturb her.

Technorati Tags:Bed | Swimming | Karate | Children | Sleep

Labels: Bed, Children, Sleep

Work, sleep, eat ... not much new outside of getting a week off from Karate since the Master is on vacation. Sure, we go swimming every day and the Mrs is breaking in the new bed ... but there is nothing of great consequence to those loaded ideas. I'm still acting as a remote sentry in the guest room in case the Tyrants wander in during the early morning hours. Tonight, I'll be setting up the mattresses and box springs w/o the bed frames ... just so they can get a taste of sleeping in a more comfortable bed (which is not the one that the Mrs and I are trying to sleep in).

Then there is this. I'll tell you what, if my migraines could be eliminated this way ... wow.

UPDATE: Fixed Link ...

Technorati Tags:Beds | Swimming | Children | Migraine

Labels: Bed, Children, Karate, Migraine, Swimming