White Lightning Axiom: Redux: Recap 20071228

Friday, December 28, 2007

Recap 20071228

Quite a bit has happened over the last week that I have not relayed to you all. I had grand plans of composing a seamless essay of titillating detail and happenstance, but my discursive manner will not permit such schemes. No, I will be sacrificing thrust and clarity for completeness and thorough dissemination of mundane fact. Dry, like my vodka martini, thank you. So, WAAAAYYY back sometime last week (Saturdayish I believe), the Mrs and I were relaxing in the new mile-high bed when, out of the blue, the slats that support the whole thing started to fail. Each slat succumbed in succession as a cacophony of wood striking wood echoed through the master chambers. Our greatest fear was not a broken bed frame, but rather, waking the twin tyrants and having to explain the bed and hoping that they did not give a detailed account to every person they meet over the next week. The mind plumbs the briny depths when words of 'truth' spill forth from the mouths of babes!

Now for everything else. We have fireplace issues ... smoke in the house because of a 'cold stack'. We have multiple bed invasions by the Tyrants ... this will pass, and then we will miss it. We have had company parties where we eat and drink to much. Oh, and when I say 'we', it is the ROYAL we. (I.e. 'me'). The bed fell one more time and I got enough gumption to go to the Local Home Depot Temple and pick up a few metric tons of reinforced Tungsten I-Beams to stop that from happening again. Since then, no more issues. The Mrs did get a giggle out of the second time it happened, I just got miffed since I'd be the one crawling on the floor, trying to wedge my massive torso (HUGE PECTORAL MUSCLES!) beneath the frame. Uncomfortable is an understatement. We had much indulgence of the liquid spirits. Especially Jovial Jake who found the brandy liquor filled chocolates. I saw them rapidly disappearing and was going to tease the Mrs for breaking her own 'no booze' rule, only to catch a glimpse of that tipsy little lush sneaking them when he thought I was not looking. Note: He is not a sullen dope when imbibing, his antics will be legendary.

The kids bed rails arrived, but only one worked. We returned the other and will try again. Alexis was upset over the separation, Jake was Jubilant! Of course, with the arrival of 100 screaming maniacs we call relatives, there was much more joy to spread. A good time was had by all since Super Grams and Uber Gramps did a lot of cooking an provided moving targets for the Tyrants. I did actually get some work done around the manor. Finished up a bit of the chair-rail and molding in the master suite. That was a long time in waiting. I also strung some cat5e network cable and finally got most of the upper floors completely shielded with Faraday cages. Networking efforts were complicated by my ineptitude due to color-blindness. I made a series of ethernet cables and managed to reverse the wiring schemes so when I tried to tie them into the punch-down blocks ... the wire-tested flunked me. So, I punched the colors down in reverse order and VOLIA! They were good to go. So now, I have the capability to install web-cams in all the different rooms of the manor ... (insert diabolical laugh here).

When trying to clean the back-50, I broke the pooper-scooper back-hoe when attacking a particularly large and perma-frost imbued pile left behind by Thor. I should train them to use a toilet ... or at least poo in the same area so I have a prayer of cleaning it up. I purchased a new one from the local Pet Goods General Store but have not recovered from the psychic trauma and let the Mrs take care of it. I would have done it myself but I have been on Support Duty all week. I got a couple calls that kept me out of the warm embrace of my familial unit for a big chunk of the week. Sucks, but you know people HAVE TO WATCH THEIR REALITY SHOWS! Gha. Kill your TV, ok?

What else ... Christmas was good, the 'Midnight' mass at 1600 hours was strange. Tyrants were sufficiently enthralled with their gifts and I was happy to see them happy. It's been rough too since my lower ribs on the right side still hurt from last Thursday. Not sure, but I think that either I fractured one or severely bruised it. I've got to remember to be a bit more careful when sparring. That, or start calcium supplements. The big winners this year where Jovial Jake who managed to get nearly every Transformer ever manufactured and Amish Gramps who got a fairly expensive ladder. His old one is held together with spit, chewing gum, twine and mostly prayers. The prayers are from those of us on the ground waiting to dial 911 at the first sign of gravity reasserting it's dominance over man's flights of fancy. Myself, I got a couple bottles of Vintage Single malt Scotch, a bacon press (AWSOME! Now for the bacon salt!) some tech toys we picked up on Black Friday and the warm feeling of a safe and happy family. We also managed to go to the Mrs's Family gathering up in Parsippany on the evening of the 25th. The trip was not too bad since we took the long (but quicker) route over the PA/NJ Turnpikes. All is well at the end of this year.

One cute story before I sign off; The other day when I was heading off to the Day Care/Re-Education Facility, a new red Ferrari pulled up to us at the exit of our development. When I mentioned to Jovial Jake that it looked like some of his toy cars, he mentioned that it looked a lot like Big Little Brother's red car. Not quite, I quipped, but it is red. Then Alexis noted that we should put the car on a tow truck, but a card and a ribbon on it and give it to her Uncle BLB! Well then! I guess we will have to make sure you get that medical research degree so you can cure MS AND cancer so you can afford such gifts, eh? Such a giving heart; I hate to have to teach them about money. They are content to put the bills and coins in the church basket, not knowing what these bits of metal and paper signify. I think their charity will survive though. Unless I make them earn their allowance by picking up dog dip. Yetch.