White Lightning Axiom: Redux

Saturday was easy too for no real good reason. The Mrs and I stayed up late, got up even later. The kids managed to harass us enough that we did get up in time for our Amiable Neighbor Gus to stop by and give the kids Russian/Greek/Eastern Orthodox Christmas gifts. He was worried since they had not seen us in a month of Sundays. He and his Mrs Irene gave them two hard cover books: The Kissing Hand and The Giving Tree. I read them and found them to be exceptional with the depth of character development and moral certainty. Yeah, and the words were small enough for me so I did not have to look them up. Later, we were off to a birthday party (shown above) and I noticed something as I was herding the family into the POS SuperSaturn. Not that it was friggen 81 degrees, but that all the bulbs I planted in November/December had started breaking through the soil. Well, not actually. They had already done that and were a full 3 inches above ground. If this keeps up, I'll have tulips and daffodils in Feburary. Then we'll be the unwilling recipient of the typical March Slop Storm that will dump 3 feet of slush on us and that will spell the end for my fall bulbs. The fact that the furnace rarely turns on and the wood stove is more than enough to keep the Manor warm will be offset by the 100$ in bulbs that are now doomed to a horrific misadventure. Worse yet, if we don't get a long and hard freeze, my carrots yet in the garden will need to be pulled (they wont rot) and every skeeter, gnat and associated biting insect will survive the winter and we'll have a veritable PLAGUE of the nasty b*st*rds. I should invest in bug-zappers and insect repellent. Speaking of Nasty Biting B*st*rds, the birthday party went REALLY well. Three sets of twins from mixed race parents. Never saw a cuter bunch of kids. The Grandfather was considering Eugenics and trying to figure out which child should get married to which other child. EGADS! Although, the thought was an interesting concept to contemplate. Nope, not going there.

Sunday was slow. The big activity for the day was the Weekly date with the Mrs in the back-yard, scooping up mountains of poop. Yes, romance and flies were in the air. I suppose I could pick it up and dispose of the byproducts when the 'Dump Trucks' unload, but it is still dark at that hour an I don't want to have to go turd hunting in the dark. I can see me strapping an IR laser to the pooper-scooper and wearing Light Enhancement Night Oculars to do this. My neighbors would think I'm some sort of deranged sniper. Walking about with night goggles, a long pole with a laser sight on it and dressed in tighty-whities and combat boots. Yep, the guys with pressed uniforms, a white van and a padded room would be summoned no doubt. And they would be bogged down in the anti-Elysian Fields of doggie-dip demise. Peek-a-boo amongst the doodie-doo.