White Lightning Axiom: Redux

So, the Tyrants and I are nearing the end of our day by rounding out our lessons at Karate. First things first, we enter the compound and get ready for the lessons in the 5 blow death punch maneuver when Jake tumbles over while trying to take off his magnetic wall climbing shoes. CRACK! He strikes his mouth right on my elbow as I was also removing my shoes. Blood flows. He starts with that shocked look that quickly morphs into that parental nightmare known as the 'I cannot breath now because I'm getting ready to wail' look. It takes a few moments before the exhale and accompanying klaxon scream blows out all the windows and throws the front fire-door off it's hinges. After he calms down, the bloodied lip is dabbed and the flow is staunched. Of course, this moral injury is used as an excuse for the next 30 minutes as the primary impetus of why he cannot do a pushup or any jumping jacks. Indeed, his lip was in far better shape than my maligned mangled mouth flaps after the Monday Beating. And just to make sure that I keep the title of Gimpiest Haupertonian Combine Elite, I heaped some more injuries on towards the end of the session. I was performing a very tricky and complicated maneuver called the Triple Spin Rear Hook Kick with Upper block double groin/solar plexus punch when I came down on my bad leg and my big toe gave out. I rely on that prehensile digit to keep my swaying body steady and it failed me for the last time. In a feeble attempt to remain upright, I brought down my left leg only to find that the tumbling tower body had set me askew and I placed the instep of my foot a a 45 degree angle. SNAP-Crick! Oh, it gave way with such ferocity I was even more stunned than my Son when he got his lumps. Needless to say, the cantaloupe that once was an ankle held up for another few minutes before the session ended. Bad lip, bad toe, bad ankle ... if the swelling does not go down before too long, my boots will not fit. BTW: I was actually playing dodge ball with the kids at the end of class when I screwed the pooch, but it sounds ferociously more manly if I get battle scars and not weekend warrior abrasions.

Saturday; my ankle and toe are a mess, I can barely hobble down the hallway. The weather outside is miserable, cold and wet. It will be a long day of nothing. I did manage to get the fire started in the wood burning stove. In my miserly Scrooge ways, I have yet deemed it necessary to turn on the heat yet. I'll probably be babbling the same line in a febrile rant on my death-bed to the scores of nurses and life-support doctors: "Turn down that heat, I ain't made of money you know!"

Saved a few plants from the encroaching frost by carting them into the manor ... still a few more to evacuate from the back mile-long deck. I'll try to dig up some rosemary and lemon grass, but I may not get to it. The lemon grass is starting to spread a bit, would be nice if I did not have to bring it in every winter. The root ball is encumbering and difficult to transplant. I considered it, but in my feeble state, I postponed the heavy lifting for a different day. If I get my way, it'll be raining up till the big freeze and I'll be absolved of the effort. I did manage to get some wall paper up in the master suite with the help of the Alluring Mrs. Of course, the first page we put up was just slightly off from perpendicular so we have the 1/16 inch rise for every successive page. It is not noticeable unless you take out a ruler, but we have to cut the sheets to accommodate it. Hopefully, we'll finish before the end of the week seeing that nearly 50% of the work has been completed. Then tragedy strikes. The Mrs and I get food poisoning from SOMETHING. She spent most of the late evening and early morning with one end or the other plastered to the porcelain. Me, well, I got a bit of gas and some loose stool out of the ordeal. Iron gut constitution for that kind of intestinal flora/fauna is my super-power. All was not well in her digestive tract. Come Monday morning, she will still be a bit mucked up. The kids were fortunately spared so we can only assume that we were struck down by some flavored potato chips or ice tea. Would not be the first time that my gut was invaded via a liquid medium. Ice water was my downfall some 8 years ago. In any event, I start a fire to warm the manor and shuttle the kids off to Sunday school. After that, we head out to Wegmans to spend 200$ on what was supposed to be a 30$ trip. Send me shopping unsupervised and hungry: Bad Idea (tm). I return to the manor with a ton of Jelly Bellies, half a cow in steaks and an orchard of fresh fruit. The Mrs, grateful for the respite, quips at my 'Excellent Shopping Adventure' and leaves it a the "I should have sent the 15$ for 75$ coupon with you instead of the 4$ for 30$ one". Heh, I always wonder why I'm banned from that activity ... so much FUN! I'm punished but being sent outside to chop more wood and fill the emptied bracket from this weekend's heating endeavors. Oh, and I got a migraine for my troubles. Gak. One last thing: gasoline is up to $2.15USD/gal now. The ride is over, but wasn't that fun?[+/-] show/hide the rest of this post

Labels: Weekend

# posted by mdmhvonpa @ 11:00 AM