White Lightning Axiom: Redux: Weekend Update 20060812-14

Saturday, August 12, 2006


Weekend Update 20060812-14

Saturday morning, 0730. I'm on the road to go to an appointment. A pre-screen for my new job. A drug test. Yeah, you know, because I'm a HUGE crack-heroin-pot consumer. Really, I have not had a cigar or a drink in days. Just a formality and all, my new job involves some work with the government. Don't they all? Anyways, I finally found the place where the test would be administered at roughly 0815. I got a bit lost along the way because I forgot that Bustleton Pike is NOT the same as Old Bustleton Pike. They do cross and I had apparently driven on OBP for 2 years straight many moons ago. Unfortunately, the location where I was destined to end was not accurately marked with street signs. At this location, OBP is also known as Welsh Road. Whatever. I made my grand entrance with a rather full bladder only to find 30 other folks haplessly doing their own versions of the 'Pee-Pee Dance' while awaiting their opportunity to show the end results of a healthy lifestyle. Let us flash forward TWO HOURS. Yes, 120 minutes of me desperately trying to think of something else other than raging waterfalls of bubbling aquariums. Reading the Ayn Rand book 'Fountainhead' was not much help. They finally call my name (mangled pronunciation, but yet, every other Indian, Chinese and Outer Mongolian was uttered with precise diction) and I scurry to the back room. By that time, my molars were floating and my eyes were a malaria shade of manilla. I was about to start crying tears of urea when they handed me a thimble and asked me to 'Fill this to the 1/10th line if you can'. Lady, I'll give you 50 decaliters if you want. On a divergent topic from a previous comment to a previous post: this. Back to the pee test: I spend a whopping 5 minutes in the back room and wrap up by signing, initialing and such with my usual nom de plume-de-plume scribble. Off and out. Two hours to take a 5 minute test. I would be 'pissed' if I did not arrive back at the manor to find the Mrs and Tyrants happily munching away at the kitchen table still in their pajamas. I chuckle at the absurdity of my disgruntled attitude and go out to chop wood.

All in all, it was a nice Saturday. The kids played in the sand pit while I stack/chop wood. Every so often, the Tyrants come over and administer my stacking efforts. I learned that I was picking the wrong pieces of wood to stack and that my stacking was much too high. Oh, what a fool I have been! In the process of showing me how to perform my task, Alexis got a tiny sliver in her hand. When Asked to show me her wound, I quickly plucked it from her skin as I was feigning a kiss. My fingers may be numbed and bumbling but the chompers are quit nimble. Looking at her hand, Alexis saw that the sliver had melted away through the magic of Daddy's healing kiss. She looked up at me in astonishment and, when realizing that the boo-boo was gone, broke into a wide grin and traipsed off to the sand-pit leaving Daddy to his sliver-endangered work. Ahhh, it's the 15 seconds of Hero-Worship that makes the hours of soul numbing admonishment worth it.

Sunday morning, church. I got through an hour+ service and the kids did not get out of hand for once. Must have been the Grace of God because I was certain that I would pay for my arrogance. I wanted the Mrs to have the freedom to go get a haircut while I juggled that Tyrants ... knowing full well that I was tempting (taunting?) fate. Later on, she did a bit of shopping after we had returned from Mass. She got a good 2+ hours of 'alone' time and that is always good for the soul.

While the Mrs was out replenishing her energy levels, I needed to distract the Tyrants enough to let them forget about their usual destructive/conquest mentality. The first thought was to make the trek across the street and greet our new neighbors. The neighborhood is turning over right now. Older folks with fully grown children (married, kids, divorce, move back in, move out again) are leaving the area for smaller, more tax-friendly homes. Good thing/bad thing. Bad in that we are loosing a 'tax base' and gaining more children to over fill the already burdened schools - good in that we have people moving in with a greater desire to put down roots in the community ... and bring in kids for our Tyrants to play (read: rule over) with. Nice enough folk, the new neighbors. Young daughter of 15 ... upset about the move. Younger son of 8 who is apparently small for his age. Coming back to the area after a 20 year absence ... from of all places, Rochester NY. Heh, the collegic stomping grounds of the Formerly Unwed Wild Mrs and I. Well now, I'll have to break out the Country-Sweet sauce and see if I can cobble up a serving of Speedies ... and make outings to the new Wegmans. That should make the transition a bit more easy for the transplanted neighbor kids. Probably the adults too.

For the rest of the day, I chopped wood and then set up the small pool for the kids. The part they enjoyed the most was spraying the dogs with the hose on the deck. Heh, not much of a bath but it required no effort from me other than pumping up the pool. By the time the pool was full though, they were ready to come in ... both the kids and the Mastodons. The kids were granted access, the dogs not so. They needed to air-dry a bit before the Manor could accept them. Nothing worse than Odor of Wet Dog on a hot summer's afternoon. They were exhausted from running away from the kids so they complained little.

Sunday evening came too quickly. The children spent an awful long time in the basement at the super-computer banks. They are exhibiting a skill level that is quite frightening. I swear that they opted in on the implant program at their ReEducation/Day Care center. I'm just waiting for my first email from either of them complete with 3l337e 56e@k. Fear their skillz. Alexis was rather adept with her mouse control, even if she was using her right hand. Right now, they are monopolizing the computers set up as servers, but as soon as we make some space, well set up 2 more console computers for them and they'll be able to customize them. I'll have to make sure we set up admin accounts to keep track of what they are up to though. Skynet will not be birthed on our network.

It's Monday. My body aches from my renewed lumber-jacking endeavors. I have a migraine from not sleeping well. I'm late to work, whatever it may hold for me today ... and the brakes on my POS Super Saturn are failing. Yep, it sure is a Monday.

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