White Lightning Axiom: Redux: Unmanned attack drones

Tuesday, August 01, 2006


Unmanned attack drones

Once again, I've used up all my spoons a went on a deficit spending spree. Will I ever learn. (That's a rhetorical question, the answer is an absolute No.) In any event, with no further delay or a due, we shall relate the trial and tribulations of a Haupertonain weekend. Another page in the Haupertonain Journals. It is Saturday, ergo, the Twin Tyrants of Turpitude awaken at 0630 sharp. As sharp as their elbows in my solar plexus as they plow into my sleeping hulk beneath the sweat soaked sheets. It's a good thing though. I am to put the 500 lb of prepared raw baby-back ribs on the natural gas grill for their 4.5 hour cooking marathon. You see, we have a little shindig over at YCOP Alex's house today and I volunteered to bring the patented melt-in-your-mouth ribs with a custom mix of 4 sauces. Yes, 4 hours, 4 sauces, 16 kinds of yummy-in-the tummy. That's because 4 squared is 16 for all you numerologically inclined. The 50$ of ribs cook to perfection while I run out and grab 3 (no, not 4) cases of beer and the Mrs preps the kids. Alex has a pool and we expect the little Water-World-Wannabees to be in the drink for the whole 7 or so hours. While I'm at it, I also have my 2 propane tanks filled at the local lpng retailer. Cost me a fortune, which is why I have not removed the 40 year old natural gas grill. It is not much good for much else, but do you really want to use a grill for 4 hours with the cost of lp these days? I would have to sell my kidney and my left nut to do that kind of thing just to afford it.

Flash forward to 1400 hours. We have trekked through the wilds of western Montgomery county to finally arrive at the bridge over the river Styx (Perkiomen Creek). There we find a place called Ott's. It's like a poor man's Longwood Gardens, but so very subtle that I have not heard of it and I've lived in the area for a good decade plus. Oddly enough, it was less than a stone's throw from our destination so I stopped in and took a look around with Jake. We were impressed with the waterfall and I proclaimed that a return visit is in order. Since Alexis had fallen asleep, I was not intending on waking the slumbering dragon. Only bad things could happen.

Okay, cut to the chase: I met up with Alex, his Mrs; Rachel and their daughter Veronica. Later on, the rest of the Great Right Wing Conspiracy stopped in and we had a grand old time snacking on ribs, guzzling drinks and dragging on cigars. The kids did well in the pool and needed little supervision. Ahhh, if it were not blazing hot it would have been nearly perfect. Even the Santorum RV stopped by. My good Friends Chris and Spoog dropped in for a few rounds and all was well with the world. Must have been the constant activity but the kids barely made it out of the development before passing out. Most excellent.

The next day, up early, slum about till everyone is ready to go to Sesame Place. Sure, only 5 hours of unbridled joy but it is all 'free' now that we have used the season pass three times. This time, I wore trunks, a shirt and a pair of sandals. That's it. Towels stayed in the car and we had a cooler of drinks/good eats. The kids did another water world re-enactment and I got the benefit of having the sun flay the skin from my back and shoulders. It was rather crowded for a Sunday so I was happy that we were not there for an extended stay. I would have been crispy. The Mrs got a bit too much sun as well but the kids in their attire seemed to escape many of the negative aspects of the July Heatwave of 2006. Of course, this is what the kids will remember ... the rides and going down the tube slides with daddy ... and the rope nets for climbing. Not the lines and the sometimes rude/uncouth visitors who "Just don't get it"tm.

Monday; it sucked. The pool room was a sauna if you are not in the pool. If I had arrived earlier for the kids swim lessons, I could have gone it. Alas, the turnpike conspired against me. As it did Tuesday morning. Just to make things interesting, I mowed the lawn on the muggy and unparalleled in stifling heat Monday evening. Even as the sun set, water poured down my back as I pushed a raging hot mower engine about the lawn. When I become wealthy, this lawn-mowing thing will need to be done in an environmentally controlled bubble. Like a modern combine or something.

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