White Lightning Axiom: Redux: Barf-o-rama

Wednesday, February 08, 2006



Ohhh boy, was last night ever a spiral slide into the frightening world of frantic action. First off, I was scheduled to have one of the Knights from the Knights of Columbus to come over to discuss insurance with the Mrs and I. You see, all I can really get in the line of insurance is accidental death and that, given the blessings God seems to heap on me, is unlikely. I have been through so many situations where I should have shuffled off my mortal coil (Read: Turnpike) that I'm certain that I have a battalion of guardian angles looking after my sorry hide. No, it's going to be a virus that gets me for certain. That, or I'll make a visit to the Hospital and raging incompetence will be my undoing. In any event, the KoC has insurance that will cover me. Of course, since there is another person present at the table while the kids are eating dinner, there will be no quarter given. The whole time, Jake and Alexis are asking their usual questions, assailing the guest for papers, rummaging through his pockets and insisting that they need to leave the table for whatever reason. Of course, they have learned that 'I feel sick' will get immediate attention. Given that, the 'Boy who cried wolf' syndrome starts to take effect. Now Alexis was the one crying wolf the most and Jacob started in near the end of the dinner. Noting this, I let him loose and told him to go to the bathroom if he wants. That, the toilet of unending hydraulic entertainment, is his ultimate goal. 99% of the time. This was the 1% case and he demonstrated that projectile vomit and a tile floor can result in the most artful displays. He lost 1.5 hotdogs, 5 pods of peas, 1 mug of chocolate soy-milk and 1 whole grilled cheese sandwich. In the resulting 'art', I saw the image of Elvis. I did! I thanked St. Elvis that Jake was pointing AWAY from our guest since in previous excursions he found that the 'Guest Lap' was quite comfortable. I would have been less mortified if I had not been on my way to another room to perform interdiction duty on Alexis who had found that the Rosary presented to the Mrs was an object that she must possess at all costs. I managed to produce a diversionary rosary just about the time I heard the tell-tale spatter of semi-digested materials hitting the floor at terminal velocity.

In spite of the peripheral distractions and the 101 different phone calls, the Mrs and I learned that we could get reasonable coverage AND get out money back in the end. Rhett, doing his best under trying conditions, saw that our other investment/insurance coverage through Amex/Ameriprise could not be beat but did indicate he would like to see what he could do. We will certainly go for the pure insurance given the rates for myself are nearly identical to what I'm paying now for accidental. As previously notes, we all know how little I think about paying a thousand dollars a year betting on my own demise. One of the phone interruptions happened to be our neighbors Gus and Irene letting us know that they would be going on vacation to Greece for a month. I think they like the fact that I check in on them every so often. Not that I'm a busy-body, it's just that they have nobody except each other now and nobody else in the neighborhood really talks to them. If I'm the token Catholic, they are the token Orthodox Christians. Apparently, the trial regarding their child's death due to vehicular homicide just finished and the 'child' who ran the red light and killed her got 1 year in prison and 3 years of probation. With this final closure, they needed a break. It's been a few years now and the anti-climatic ending occurred in conjunction with both of them coming down with some sort of strep. Seems to be going around. I went over to have a short sit with them and asked Gus if I could borrow his van while he was away. Needless to say, he was EXTREMELY pleased that I finally asked something of him. I now have access to a vehicle that can tow the chipper shredder so I can dispose of all those pine branches I have left in the back. Now all I need to do is get healthy enough to spend a weekend devoted to the activity. Amish Dad is tied up during tax season (interesting timing on my part) so I'll have to see if I can get SuperMom and Little Big Brother to come down and help the Mrs with the Tyrannical Twins when I abandon them. Hmmmmm.

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