White Lightning Axiom: Redux

This weekend was ... odd. The Tyrannical Twins were unusually capricious and this resulted in a raucous household ... more so than usual. The little ones have discovered parsimony and subterfuge as a anti-parental tactic. They don't understand much about the concept of lies other than the potential end result. They would make excellent politicians at this point. I don't understand what they are saying half the time, they avoid the subject if it conflicts with their desires and they fabricate outright lies to further their agenda based on the thinnest sliver of half-truth. I think I understand them know ... Politicians without all the philandering.

We got up a bit late on Saturday morning ... 0715 or so. Which is fine. Rip Van Winkle would probably offer some performance improvement suggestions but I think we can live with this. Of course, he did wake at 0500 first and implore the powers that be that he be escorted to the bathroom. I'm guessing that this behavior will go on for a bit till we break them of the habit of having their bathroom activities be proctored. Later on in the morning, Alexis wandered into our bedroom and crawled in between myself and Jake. There is not nearly enough room for all of us especially when the little ones are built of sharp-pointy-angles like knees, elbows and such. Reminds me of that scene from the original 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory' where all 4 grandparents are in the same bed.

After a bit of tussling and jockeying for an inch of space, I gave up and produced the scroll of paper I had prepared for the morning activities. I was expecting the Mrs to be out of the picture today so I needed a distraction for the morning. I did not want to start the day off by explaining why the Mommy was not home ... nothing good could come of that. I was not prepared to begin education on mortality with the innocents. To belay this activity, I concocted/created/designed a treasure hunt for the kids complete with a map, snacks at each point and a giant black X where the 'treasure' could be found. If you have ever seen 'Little Einsteins' on the Disney channel ... I even made an overt threat that 'Big Blue Jet' might get the treasure first if we don't hurry up. They needed little motivation though and were thrilled to start their quest. I had spent a bit of time with the map though I am not great artist. Little titles like 'Tumbling Stairway', 'Mommy's bed of eternal sleep' and the 'Puppy room of DOOOOM' were things that stuck in their impressionable minds. The only flaws in my plan were the planting of treats-n-sweets. Apparently, the Hounds had found one of them and made short work of it. I should not be surprised, but I was confused why they ate one of them and not the other. That, and it was raining/sleeting so the act of going out to the towers to climb through the structure did not happen. That cut off about 30 minutes of the hunt. No matter, they found the toys in the basement 'burial tomb' and promptly tore the wrapping and steel reinforced containers to atomic shreds. They spent the day snarfing candy, harassing the 'Big People who Work' and engaging in mortal combat with each other or so we though while the Mrs and I went about our business of house cleaning. The basement needs to be purged so we can recover the living room, dining room and study from the toy avalanche. It was a nice day except for the fact that the weather was dreary. It was very humid out and went from 60 to 20 in a matter of hours. Bletch.

Sunday morning was unpleasant in so much that I had to dig myself from beneath the covers so I could prep Jake to go to church with me. We could have used another Saturday. I managed to bumble through the pre-holiness routine while the Mrs gets the kids ready. Of course, Alexis wants to stay home and Jake would prefer to come along. This is a relief. I just cannot handle two of them when they are mostly awake. I could take both to the 0830 mass but not the 1000 family mass. So out into the tundra Jake and I venture. He notices that it is fiercely cold/windy and makes repeated comments on it while I try to scrape the diamond hard ice off the windshield of the SuperSaturn. Friggen Pennsyltucky winters ... always with the ice. Mass goes well with only two visits to the bathroom. A world's record indeed! Jake shakes hands with as many folks as possible at the sign of peace (know I know how the plague was really transmitted) and is absolutely giddy at the chance to throw Daddy's cash into the collection basket. I left in such a hurry that I forgot (again) to bring the envelopes. I do that way too often. Swiss cheese mind of mine. Every so often I get lucky and remember to bring the tithe envelopes and throw in a few to make up for past transgressions. Hmmm, selling indulgences? In any event, the checks are already signed and money is set aside so there is no great impact to me, just the Holy See's accounting. I'm sure I'm on their recidivist list.

After I replace a dead halogen bulb on one of the security lights (with accompanying plasma laser defense system and sub-radar targeting), we go out to do a bit of shopping and to buy gasoline at the new low of $2.34/gal. Urg ... what happened to $2/gal!? I empty my pockets (in the freezing cold wind) to the tune of 60$ and feebly limp home. I hate to think what my heating bill is going to look like after this cold snap. I'll have to sell another kidney or something. Demoralized, I go home and put on the apron to do a bit more cleaning and some cooking. Since we picked up some sweet Italian sausage at the market, I had to cook a bit of it. You know, to raise my spirits and all. Nothing like a gut full of meat to perk a man up a bit. Funny thing about that though. While we were shopping, Alexis grabbed a package of ring-bologna and cradled it like a baby. She called it her Meat Dolly and insisted we bring it home. The Mrs believes I put her up to it. From then on she referred to it as the 'Circle Meat'. Heh, I'll be making something with taters this week I suppose. Don't want to disappoint my carnivorous offspring!

Jake ... poor Jake. After a day of frantic activity he just did not last the evening. While eating a dinner of sausage, pasta, broccoli and sauce he just petered out. Fell asleep sitting up. This was quite fortuitous for the Mrs since she wanted to trim his nails. Not even the strongest jostle would stir him. We decided to skip the bath and just let him go to bed. I suppose in the future, threats of sending him to bed without dinner would fall upon apathetic ears. Shortly after we deposited him in his warm little cocoon of a bed, his sister, seeing how this all played out, decided that she wanted to go to bed as well. DAMN! This never happens on a week night. The difference with this request is that she wanted to lay in our bed for a bit and THEN go to sleep there. Okay honey, part A but not part B. This compromise was acceptable and the negotiations concluded with her sliding off to sleep in her own bed an hour later. Perfect weekend despite the weather, I'd say.

Early morning update, Jake finally shakes off his slumber at 0230 to request a pee break and promptly goes back to sleep. Since the Mrs is off today, she lets me sneak out of the house early and lets the kids sleep in. I need to get in a bit earlier because of the noonish appointment I scheduled with an insurance agent. You see, I'm paying bo-ku bucks for accidental life insurance to cover the mortgage with a marginal payout should I meet an untimely and gruesome end. That is, so long as it is a horrific death and not something more likely. Such as a virulent staph infection at the hospital. Sooo, I found someone who can get me something for a touch more but covers EVERYTHING. For the same payload. I don't like paying for insurance but it sure is not something that I can afford to ignore. That whole responsible Father thing again. Sheesh.

Technorati Tags: Family | Weekend