White Lightning Axiom: Redux

Ok, Sunday. The day of rest (read: Utter panic, do everything at the last minute day till exhaustion lays you low). I got up early and get everything ready so that we can get to the 0830 mass. After dumping the kids in the bed next to the Mrs, taking care of the dogs, packing 'fun stuff and food' for the kids, getting a fire started and grooming myself, the kids tell me that they would prefer to stay under the covers with Mom. FINE! I know very well that after I return from mass, they'll be asking to go to church. Not today though, we have an arranged visit with a Chuck-e-Cheese knock off called 'Jungle Jim' at 1030 today. We are all set and leave at about 1005 ... just enough time to get there. About 15 minutes into our trip, the Mrs's cell phone rings. It's my father. He is calling us from 225 miles away to tell us that our burglar alarm is going off. This means we need to turn around and drive back to the manor and see what the Hounds of Hell have done to set off the alarm. Certainly it is not an armed intrusion, the cyber-nano-bot sentries would have stopped that and nobody could clear the anti-personnel mine field with cross-field covering fire from the 125mm autoguns. Alas, when we do arrive it is Area 6 reporting movement ... the dogs. ARGH! Cancel, disarm, reset ... leave. We make it to the MOM (Mothers of Multiples) gathering by 1100 and set the kids loose like jackals upon a fresh kill. Funny thing about the location, it used to be a bar that I went to every so often. When you become a parent, the world changes WITH you. The kids grind through tokens like they are exotic matter string ripping through a black hole. Of course, they manage to rack up 221 tickets in the process. Just enough to trade in for 2 five cent plastic frogs. I think they go for 25/dollar in the crap-o-rama stores. It only cost 10 bucks here! Good thing that the kids enjoy the games. We trick the kids into leaving after 1330 and they acquiesce only because of false promises.

On the way back to the manor, we stop off at one of the local produce dumping grocery stores and load up on milk, yogurt and fruit. Here, I have not choice but to stop off in the Meat Section and bask in the pink and red glow of fluorescent light reflecting off the pre-packaged delectables. Then I spot it, my true love. Spiral sliced ham at ONLY 1.69$ a pound! I lunge at the largest one I could find and haul my slain quarry back to the cart. Alexis is horrified at a piece of meat larger than her being dumped into HER cart and insists that I put it as far from her as possible. Little does she know that she will be dining on this delectable quarter soon enough.

As a final act of defiance in light of the coming Monday, I begin draping the manor with lights. Billions and billions of shimmering LED lights. Putting the non-LED icicle lights along the roofline is actually the most frightening and dangerous part of this. Since I crammed a load of R30 insulation into the attic years ago, we have quite a bit of snow remaining on the roof. I went about shoveling it off and a funny thing happened. A police cruiser rolled by, slowed down in front of the house and did not continue on till I waved at them. They were probably checking up on the manor from the alarm earlier in the day. Seeing some figure stomping about on the roof probably gave them a moment to pause and say "WTF!?". All in all, I was out there till after 1800 putting up strings of lights and I'm still short 2 strings. I'll have to give the Mrs Carte Blanche to go out shopping for them so I can wrap it up. The kids are impressed with the current state though. This year, I took a page from Gramp's book and put up hooks instead of stapling the lights. Makes it easier to put them up in successive years.

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