White Lightning Axiom: Redux

The last three days were eventful and were recorded in detail. I'll now attempt to put pen to paper (finger to keyboard?) to accurately tell the tales of the Haupertonian escapades.

It's Saturday morning. The house is silent but for the rattling of bone bare branches on the slumbering trees outside and the cold winter winds wind their way across the land. From this sterile quiet, a wail rolls out and crushes my slumber like an over-ripe melon. Jake is up at 0200 and he is not a happy camper. I initially go in and try to comfort him, but to no avail. The Mrs steps up and lays down next to him with immediately gratifying results. Of course, once she is under the covers with him, there is no escape. My wife is being stolen away from me by a guy with no job, no money and who is absurdly needy. I think I took the wrong approach here. Of course, he is preternaturally cute. I guess that is his trump. Later on, after we have all woken up and shaken the sleep that clings to us like white dog-hair on a black dress, we get things going. Since we got a good 2 inches or so of additional snow, we bundle up the kids and tromp out into the tundra wonderland. It looks so perfect when the snow has just fallen ... perfect to pillage and plunder of course. After a bit of playing with the new toboggan that Amish Dad/Super Gramps bought, we head off to get a Christmas tree.

Yep, a real tree. Gonna hack it off at the bottom and throw lights and ornaments on it and put a star on top. A nice, compact blue spruce and we know just were to get it. Many lifetimes ago, I worked for a man named Mark Haag. He owned some properties and I was one of his legions of manual laborers. He took a liking to me mostly because I had an iota of morals and could be trusted with his truck and a wad of cash. In any event, he had passed on many years ago. His children have since taken on his business and still sell trees from his rather large plot of land. You can take any tree from 1 foot to 40 feet for a mere 25$. You cut it and haul it. They call the place 'SouthWind'. So we went up there with the FamlyTank and the MillionMilePickup to go tree hunting with the Tyrannical Twins. It's about two miles away so it's a fairly short commute. Damn near neighbors in this neck of the woods. As it turns out, that old white dodge ram I used to drive about was parked out by the barn. Brought back TONS of memories of summers spent waist deep in trenches dug for gas lines. The memories float through my mind like the snow falling about me as the family and I tromp through the field looking for that tree. It was a much deeper event for me than for most, but the kids got a real kick out of picking a tree and having dad drag it back to the MillionMilePickup on their toboggan.

Its still snowing when we pack up and head off to Rochester. We are invited to attend a birthday party (1st) for the twins of our family friends: Lucy and Digger. Lucy was my 'Little Sister' in college and is Jacobs GodMother. Sean was my Best Man. We go back just a bit. Before they were blessed with double trouble, they would drive all the way down to Philly to visit us. Just a 6 hour trip mind you. I cannot complain about driving a couple hours up their way since we are coming from Ithaca. They now live in the ass end of Rochester. A rural bedroom community called Hilton. Not much there but the lake, some orchards and farms and ... well, houses. Lots of space. To get there, we drive through Rochester and see a few sites that also bring back a flood of memories. Interstate 490 pierced the heart of Rochester. As as with any larger city, the roads are perpetually under construction. This one is a labyrinth of construction barrels, traffic cones, Jersey barriers, signs and potholes. Yeah, new road pitted with holes like General Noriega's rear end. On the less violent parts, I got a quick glimpse of an Old Gothic building that I quickly identified as Nick Tahoe's. Famous for their Garbage Plate dishes. On the North side just a few miles away, the towering building of Kodak's HQ rises from a mammoth complex that would make any big-wig Hollywood director blush at the post-industrial decay atmosphere invoked by the site. Like some giant artificial intelligence that is struggling to stay alive by patching and adding on new pipes, gears and pulleys daily. Add the unnerving cold and you have one of the most environmentally hostile cities this side of Detroit. God how I love that place.

At the party, we had a pretty good time. One of the family friends looked like Santa and that really got Jake and Alexis going good. We left six hours later and made fairly good time. Only 2.25 hours and managed to hit every green light on our way through Ithaca. Rare occurrence. Only thing of note on the trip back was a jogger, dressed in black, going down a road we call Stone Quarry Road. You nearly have to turn sideways if you meet someone driving down the road and it is carved into the side of a rather steep hill. It's nearly 2300 hours and this fruitcake is looking to get killed. I only mention it because I did not recognize that there was a guy on the road (there is NO shoulder) after I passed him. He was going down, I was going up and he only appeared after a car came bolting down the hill and back-lit him. He should really know better. Back at the FOB, I told the family about this after the kids crawled into bed and BigLittle Brother told me of a similar inbreeding problem where he lives. How some guy nearly got his car roof torn off by a chain while they were trying to get a van out of the ditch. People amaze me. Amaze me that they survive to reproduce.

It's Sunday. Right around 0600 and Jake is doing a rendition of 'Mooooommmyyyy ... Daddddyyyyy ... Heellllp Meeee'. Nothing dire, he just wants someone to rub his itchy skin and snuggle with him for a bit. The Mrs is more than happy to oblige. Since those two 'peas in a pod' are content, Alexis and I head off to church with the Grandparents to get some churchin' in. Maximum exposure for Alexis, get them all to herself. She acts like a darling and is all giggles throughout the service. Much more entertaining than the Deacon with the Homily. Later on in the day, Gramps goes out with the kids to build a snowman. He is dubbed Frosty and requires facial features. Yes, Dr FraaankenStEEEN requires some optical units made of igneous rock and a olfactory sensing organ fabricated in the shape of a carrot! Of course, Gram's has the carrot. On the way back from the organ retrieval point, Alexis is accosted by Katie who also desires said carrot and proceeds to bite the end off. Now Alexis feels slighted and takes out her wrath on the sulking hound by leveling an ego-crushing cavalcade of proclamations including 'Bad Katie' and 'Gehen Aus, Eine Sehr schlecht Hund!'. Katie was immediately outted and beaten down faster than you can say 'Plame is a CIA agent.'. Frosty was nonplussed.

Last activity in the FOB was dinner and then a bit of tree decorating. The kids did a fine job at that and never returned to the tree to 're-invent' it. Those blue spruce needles are like little steel knives. You just don't mess with 'em. In fact, you are inclined to leave the damn ornaments on the tree till all the needles fall off it's so prickly. Didn't seem to bother the kids though. Steel meets nuclear powered ferocity I suppose. The drive back to the Haupertonian Manor was tedious. Lots of cops, accidents, lane closures and excessive volume. We left at 1515 and took a whole 6.5 hours to get back. Friggen record for longest time ever. One upside was that we got 22 gallons of regular gasoline for $2.03USD. Did I mention that I LOOOOVE the Flying J? Shop there, often if you can. And as a closing note, Jake woke up at 0300 this morning and insisted on having a larger bed to sleep in. Spoiled, he is. I can understand though. He needed a carbon based heating unit since the Manor was around 48 degrees when we got home and did not warm up much after lighting a fire. I suppose I should get cracking on getting his room finished so we can get him a larger bed. My little man, growing up so quickly.

# posted by mdmhvonpa @ 11:31 AM