White Lightning Axiom: Redux: Weekend Grill Warrior Federation

Monday, July 11, 2005


Weekend Grill Warrior Federation

It was a rather intense weekend. Yes, it was. We had the kids OFFICIAL birthday party and it all went very well. Nothing blew up, burnt down or flew away. Those are the three greatest concerns with our parties, don't ya know. That and giant radio-active space insects, but I'll save that for another time. We had the kids 3rd birthday this past Saturday and as usual, the food and liquid libations were well received. For the three-grill-o-rama scorch-fest we had the following:

  • foot-long hotdogs

  • regular beef dogs

  • burgers

  • chicken

  • brats (no, not my kids)

  • steak (London broil, cow-boy rib-eye)

  • tater salad (mom's finest!)

  • cole-slaw

  • 2 cakes (regular, ice cream)

  • beef ribs (4 hr + grilling)

  • pork ribs (4 hr at 250)

  • chips

  • veggie tray

  • bass,harp,Guinness, Yuengling

  • 101 sodas,juices,water, coffee

  • roasted mastodon

  • Condor omelets

  • Other assorted Dim-Sum brought by guests

  • I forgot to add myself and Hero Dad to that list ... although the temp was a bit more reasonable this year, hovering over a rack of sizzling meat can impart a fair amount ambient heat to your own flesh.

    The kids tore through 2 metric tons of gifts in a matter of seconds. Alexis got mostly princess type stuff with a bonus present from the grandparents of a doll house while Jake beefed up his Thomas train set collection. We'll have to empty out the living room of their current toy collection so we can fill it up again with the new ones. We no longer live in our house ... it's a giant toy-box for the kids. We had about 40 people over, with a small assortment of micro-dogs tossed into the mix. Yes, the floors are filthy, the carpets are stained and there are odd splotches of God-knows-what on the upholstery. But once again ... nothing blew up, burnt down, flew away. As people left towards the end of the day, we would say our goodbyes and pack up some leftovers to send along. Not much was left over, but more than what we could cram into the walk-in refrigerator. Alexis, in a moment of cuteness, made an interesting observation. Since she was intently preoccupied with her new items of obsession, she did not notice that people were filtering out of the manor. When she did come up for air, she started asking 'Where everyone go?!'. Yeah, when the booty runs out, the horde moves on. As much as I would like her to remain happy, having 40 permanent residents in the manor is not something that I could endure for more than 8 hours. As a parting shot, the hounds got their jaws around a couple of beef bones and ... well, the end results were none too pleasing for me. I have got to buy a back-hoe.

    Ahhh, yes, and then there is Sunday. We slept in and so did the kids. How nice. Since we slept in, the latest mass was our remaining option. The Grandparents had already gone to the 1030 so they would stay home while I went with Big Little Brother and my most adorable daughter. Jacob was less than interested in going to Holy Aerobics so I left him in the fawning care of the 'Grandparent Adulation Squad'. This is were life takes it's peculiar turns and makes you scratch your head. Alexis was a little angel in church and was eager to shake hands with our fellow parishioners at the sign of peace. Doppelganger I tell you! She is usually a little whirling dervish. Diving under the pew, throwing fruit snacks. Not today, she just sat there quietly reading her books and playing with her princess figures. Stepford child! She did implore me to take her home once all the gummy bears were gone though.

    While we were at mass, Amish Wonder Dad went ahead and mowed my lawn for me. The day was reasonable so he did not get to experience the wonders of 'absurdly oppressive heat pummeling you into the ground'. The rest of the day was spent working on the garden with the assistance of Super Grams and Hero Gramps. Every so often, the kids would come out with the Mrs and check in on what we were doing. Since the high heat of summer was on us, the peas, leafy greens and radishes were all but done in. Time to rip them out and start planting things like onions and begin to look for other summer crops. The tomatoes were bearing fruit as were the cucumbers and green beans. The kids enjoyed supping on some of the carrots that had to be removed to keep them from crowding each-other out. No shortage of produce, but lots of required labor too. Farming is not for the weak of heart or fragile of spine. Hope the kids learn that lesson too. Keep a garden, it promotes good study habits. The choice between life-shortening manual labor and the cerebral crafting advanced sciences is an easy choice when you've eaten from both plates.


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