White Lightning Axiom: Redux: Nearly time for white clothing

Friday, May 27, 2005


Nearly time for white clothing

The traffic situation on the way home last night was less than optimal. I believe that this is the beginning of the 'Great Shore Migration' and it is only going to get worse over the next 24 hours. Unending carloads of corpulent flabby white flesh tightly wrapped in bikinis and speedos. Hair sprouting from backs and armpits littering the shore like some kind of elephant seal mass beaching. It will look like some great sifter deposited tons of blubber down the coastline and then sprinkled it with volumes of coarse language, bad beer and unintelligible music. No, I'll stick to the back 50 and cook up some ribs, thanx. All I have to do is survive the sporadic stampedes and resulting pileups on the Turnpike till its over.

Jake was being difficult last night. He spent an extraordinarily long time pleading for mommy and daddy to come get him out of bed. He usually quits after a bit, but I think he was not as tired since they did not get to play outside. Too much bottled up energy I suppose. The Mrs tried to lay with him a bit to get him to sleep, but he would periodically check to make sure she was still there till he finally drifted off. It was pretty late by the time the Mrs completed her 'Comfort Duty'. She had some things to do in sub-basement 27L and needed some Cold Weather Survival gear before she descended into the belly of the beast. While she prepped, I could hear the gentle breaths of the kids sleeping over the monitor. No wails, no cries for attention. Good. Once the Mrs is finished subverting the opposing Central Asian Cabals from the command bunker, we can go to bed early and get some rest before the 'Memorial Day Weekend 2005 Tour'. She was not gone long, I heard her creep up the stairs. Each step emits it own distinctive creak. I like it, it lends character to the Manor and ensures that when the kids come home late there will be no mystery about the arrival time. Unfortunately, I think Jake also used this feature to figure out that Mommy had slipped away while he was asleep and immediately got up. I heard some noise outside the master suite and went to investigate. He was wandering the halls looking for his absent matriarch with the most distraught look on his face. When the Mrs came out of the master bath, he immediately reached for her and indicated that the Mile Wide Water Bed would be the only salve to ease his troubled mind. No, not this time. He was infringing on my snuggle turf (Mommy) but the Mrs cant sleep well in the water bed with the tossing and turning of our first scion. She put him down in one of the Guest suites and spent the night with him curling up to her. I had to hold down the fort in the Master Suite and make sure that everything else was taken care of in the morning. We'll have to make sure that he is sufficiently exhausted from now on before we put him to bed. Little affection grifter, he is.

Ahh, it's now time for the morning road-way Apocalypse/Armageddon/Ragnarok report. Only two accidents on the PA Turnpike this morning; one right after the Mid-County/Blue Route exchange and one at Ft Washington. Since I got going early, the first one was not too bad. It was in a place where traffic is ALWAYS backed up for no good reason. The second was a bit of a surprise. Sucked up 15 minutes of my time. Apparently, a tractor-trailer carrying steel pipes for a water main thought that the back of a sedan would be a wonderful place to park. The car was obliterated right up through the rear axle. I'm surprised that the gasoline did not ignite. I saw no ambulance and a tow-truck was already there so I'm guessing that there was not severe injury. Oddly enough, no air-bags either. Nearly no damage on the truck and I can pretty much guess that the car cut off the truck by where it happened and how the vehicles were deposited. You know, you might be able to squeeze into that space, but that truck is not going to be able to stop. This guy learned the hard way instead of applying some of that physics that was taught to us in high school. Something about an object in motion and a mass to energy conversion formula ... you know. Not affecting me, but still traffic related, some cars caught fire on the Vine Street expressway (676) in Philly and was causing no end of trouble on 76, 95 and assorted major arteries. I can only believe that this phenomenon will continue to haunt the local roadways till later tonight after all the vehicle-borne migratory blubber farms have made it to their destinations.


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