White Lightning Axiom: Redux

Ahh, another successful trek north to the Finger Lakes Regional Haupertonian Outpost. We did bump into the Donnar party on the way, but they seemed disinterested in our offers of beef-jerky and lefsa. Something about being too bland. Anyways, the journey started out with a call to the Mrs as I was driving past the Manor's outer perimeter defenses. Since I was going to drop off the SuperSaturn at the repair shop, I could use a ride back to base. I arrive at the shop around 1505 hours and speak with my mechanic, Chris, the problem solver. I tell him of my vehicle problems and he postulates that it probably is not a fuse, but might be a cross-linkage issues with the mini-gun, the backup cold fusion reactor and the meson accelerator. He let me know that he could probably fix the window wiper problem and upgrade my ceramic-carbon fiber field plating before I get back. We 'shoot the shit' for a bit before the Mrs show up and then we exchange pleasantries before the Wife and I hit the road. We stop off at one of the local grocery stores that we frequent. Since we have spent $500,000USD over the last few months, we apparently get a free hog. Well, not a whole hog, more like a leg … or a part of a leg. Ok, the but of the leg … about seven pounds of bone and skin. It would probably make good stock for split-pea soup. We spend more time waiting to 'cash out' than we did selecting the best ham. We thought we could make a quick get-away, but the queues are packed with food-stamp hoarders and coupon clippers … can I pay for this with a check and a goat for barter? Argh. We eventually give in and wander over to the customer service desk where they are happy to ring us up and send us on our way.

We head off to pick up the kids so we can begin our pilgrimage before rush-hour seizes the local roads in it's merciless grip. We catch Alexis playing dress up with her only female friend, Carly. There are three girls in her class but these two have been together since they started in the infant room nearly two and a half years ago. I wonder if Carly's mother is considering parochial school after kindergarten. We prep the kids and start the extraction procedure. It's early so the bottles and other assorted daily materials were not packed yet. It took a few minutes, but we got back to the Manor relatively quickly. We need to put the kennels in the back and round up the ultimate carnivores so that the entire expeditionary force can be accounted for. While we were putting the final touches on our retinue, two trucks from STS, a local surveying agency, pulled up in front of the manor property. The Pennsyltucky roadway mismanagement organization, PENDOT, has been threatening to expand the road behind the manor for a long time now. I thought that these guys were here to start marking off territory that the state wanted to seize to do this. The hounds happened to be outside at the time and these two fellows made the horrible mistake of waking onto the property. Their sovereign property. It just so happens that our neighbor Sharon walked out at the same time, thus giving them multiple targets. Since they get food every time they greet Sharon, they decided to target her instead of tearing the limbs off the two trespassers. They leave smears of mud on her nice white uniform the size of Toledo as they jump up on her chest and legs. Oddly enough, they ONLY jump up on Sharon and my Super Mom. Everyone else is either respected or ... lunch. As it turns out, the STS guys were here to locate the underground utilities before the landscape crew comes in and starts in on their nonsense. After activating the cybernetic override, I reel the canines back in and direct them to get into the livestock holding cell in the rear of the Family Tank. It's 1545 and we are ready to launch.

On the way to the turnpike, the Mrs tries to get the DVD player going with little success. It looks like this critical piece of equipment has bit the dust. Now we will need to actually interact with them for the whole trip. Oh, the horror, the horror. Since the kids were aware of the world outside of a video display, Jacob discovered the wonders of the turnpike tunnel on the south side of the town of Jim Thorpe. He was wide eyed with wonder as we dove into the side of a mountain and how the sun was suddenly blotted out. How we entered a black hole from a world of budding trees and sprouting flowers and exited to a world blanketed with a continuous landscape of snow as far as the eye could see. Perhaps we should try to drive without the visual hypnosis equipment from now on.

We make a few stops on the way. A few by accident, a few planned. The first accidental stop was at Allentown. I had thought that the rest stop here would have a fast food restaurant, but I was mistaken. It has two sit down restaurants so nothing we want to We stop only to remove the coats from the kids so they don't overheat. I'm not wearing a coat and I’m a bit warm so I can only imagine that they are reasonably uncomfortable. The ramps to and from this particular exit are a maze of twists and abrupt turns. You may be going 30 mph one second and have to slam on the retroburners because an unanticipated 90 degree turn in the causeway has appeared in front of you … without warning. This, of course, adversely affected Alexis's weakest trait. Her stomach. She blew slim-jim and chocolate sponge cake to a distance of about 10 feet. I swear it put indents on the console. It looks like the water doped with travel sickness medicine did not quite do the job. After she emptied the 55 gallons of predigested organic material from her innards, she perked right up and dove right back into the task of filling it again. We stepped off at the Hickory Run rest stop to pick up some fries and chicken nuggets from McLardo's. The kids did a pretty good job of making them disappear and we had no more complaints of churning stomachs, either full or empty.

The rest of the trip was mostly uneventful. We did need to make an emergency stop outside of Scranton since the fuel cells inexplicably dried up. The gas here cost 2.13 and we only put 7 gallons in so we can make it to Gibson where the gas is 2.02. After braving miles of crazed, frothing insane drivers, we made it the Flying J and filled up the Family Tank with another thousand gallons or so. Good thing since gas was priced at 2.25 to 2.29 at the stations from the rest of the way. You know, if we invaded Iraq for the oil, I'm pretty pissed that the price of gas had done nothing but go up. It must be the Chinese ... or the Jews ... or Elvis. Yeah, Elvis and his durned alien buddies. We eventually make it to the Outpost at 1945 hours shortly after Alexis had nodded off to sleep. Once again, a fairly successful expedition. Grams was waiting with a pair of pizzas cooking in the oven. That Grams is one sharp cookie. She knows the kids dinner menu better than I do. It’s Thursday so that makes it Pizza night. The kids have a great time and get to sleep in separate rooms. It’s 2145 and the night is slipping into history.

# posted by mdmhvonpa @ 6:00 PM