White Lightning Axiom: Redux

I left work around 1600 hours and was greeted with the usual bizzaro traffic mess that KOP has turned into since they re-built the convergence of several major roads in the area. It was still well light out and there were very few clouds so I thought that I would go directly to the Child Detainment and ReEducation center. I could give the kids a bit of time to play on their beloved playset/twin towers. When I get there, they are still playing outside in the exercise yard. When the day-care professionals spot me from the armored guard towers, they unshackle the detainees and let them out. They immediately charge out when they get a whiff of the sweet air of freedom. Jacob runs right over to a retaining wall and does his best swan dive ever ... while I am still 4 meters away. The wall is about 3 feet tall so he would probably do a considerable bit of damage to himself if I do not catch him. I immediately sense impending doom and quickly warp time and space so that I can be within an arms reach to catch the little Icarus before he plummets to the hard asphalt below. One arm catch completed. Didn't think I could do a lateral lift of 30 lb, did you? Super-Daddy-Panic Strength activated. The DayCare Professionals had that look of horror on their faces as they saw him initiate the leap of faith, which quickly faded into relief and dismay as I hoisted him into the air. He balanced himself with his belly on my palm like a sausage-like ballerina in Swan Lake. He was grinning ear to ear at the consternation of his day guardians.

Once back at the Manor, we played outside till it got too dark. I did not get to play with them as much as I would have liked, since I had to hunt around the back yard for Mastodon spore. The pine needles make it hard to find if it is not flagged. After some time, my scion become weary of play time and want to go inside for dinner. I set about dusting the sand off and changing the odorous rear-gear. We have some pizza left from the other night so after jacob eats his fish and Alexis eats her atkins-diet meat-only meal, I give them both a slice. They scream out in delight and proceed to ravage the helpless Italian-American treat. The carbs in the bread make them nearly pass out. Excellent. Just as they started to slip into their carb-coma, the Mrs comes home. I leave the semi-conscious diners in the expert care of my chosen bride and go out to ... chop wood. This time, I have Hero-Dad's secret high-tech maul of splitting doom +3. I ream through several chunks of wood before I start to sweat. I feel a tingle in the back of my mind that something is amiss. I suddenly sense the screams of a billion mommys suddenly finding that their child has had a diaper blow-out. I drop the maul and stumble up to the Manor. It had happened. Big time blow-out through the Jacobionain Rear Guard. I had just changed him a few hours earlier so this is a bit of a surprise. The good news is that my MS had not damaged my Psychic Daddy Powers. The rest of the evening went well. The kids just wanted to sit in our laps and have us read books to them. Much less painful than playing 'trampoline' or trying to negotiate a ceasefire between them when they are playing 'Palestinian and Israeli' over a particular toy.

This morning sucked though. Dogs started moaning and howling at 0515. Uncool. Jacob joined in the chorus shortly thereafter. Alexis woke in a poor mood. Didn't want to get dressed. She just wanted to stay under the quilt on the mile-wide water bed. She didn't want to go down stairs, she didn't want .... anything. Eventually, Mommy picked her up and all was better with a little prompting. I feel for the Daycare Professionals today, they are going to have a real tough time with this. Traffic was slow, but not crowded. No sense of urgency or anything. Depressed Democrats I guess. There was one upside. I finally visited A Small Victory and believe that I may have found my twin who was separated at birth. Naw, she likes Metallica. Perhaps it was nurture over nature?

# posted by mdmhvonpa @ 8:40 PM