White Lightning Axiom: Redux: Hornets abound

Thursday, July 08, 2004


Hornets abound

As you may well know, yesterday was 'Mow The Lawn Day' in the Haupertonian Combine City-State Empire. This fact alone should let you know it rained yesterday as well. This association of grass harvest and precipitation has nothing to do with what Mary has to say about said relationships. That is neither here nor there. Much more interesting events unfolded yesterday as I endeavored to beat back the encroaching flora. So as I marched around the lawn behind the roaring, heat spewing mower, I noticed that the allisium around the cut-leaf maple in the front yard was starting to become overwhelmed by some sort of weedy growth. I thought that it would be a good idea to stop for a moment and hack back the growth a bit to give the intentionally planted flowers a breather. So there I am, hacking and chopping and cutting and yanking and ... ouch, got a sliver in my hand ... OUCH! Hey ... as I pull my hand back, I notice a swarm of hornets pouring out of the ground where an old stump is rotting away. This is the stump from an old plumb tree that I had cut down a few years back. I thought it would be a good idea just to leave it since there was a gas line and an electric line running directly below it. That's another story for a later time. Presently, I was furiously shaking my hand in order to dislodge the hornet that had become wedged under my wedding ring. He was pretty upset and took the opportunity to let me know exactly how displeased he had become. I shook my hand vigorously to dislodge him. This seemed to have no real effect other than making the union that more secure. I finally come to my senses and just snatch the little bag of venom with my fingers, crush him, and then throw the twitching mess to the ground. I immediately consider the implications of several bites/stings to my ring finger. I make a bee-line (heh, nice) to the garage where I have a beer in a little cooler filled with ice and water. The lid comes off, the single bottle of beer comes out and in goes my hand. I can feel the swelling already and consider removing my ring. That may be a good idea so I remove my hand and begin to twist the ring off. Over the years, my hands have taken quite a beating and the ring has not escaped any of that abuse either. I have not been able to remove the ring for quite some time, but this time I was motivated. Please note that I rarely find myself in an occasion that I find it necessary to obscure that fact that I am married. It is a more likely case that I forget that it is even there as I pull my wallet out to brag about my genius children and lovely/sexy/dedicated/cerebral wife. After a bit of straining and effort, the ring finally came off. I could see the swelling was going to be quite spectacular, holding an ice cold Yuengling Premium beer for a bit might just make the situation a bit less painful. Indeed. After making rendering my cooling source impotent (by drinking the bottle), I find that the swelling has stopped at a point that will now allow for my to get the ring back on. It is not as bad as when I got a hornet stuck in my throat, but it is annoying to say the least.


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